


our oath (we're expendable)

by amako



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clan Politics, Family Feels, Found Family, Gen, Haruno Clan-centric, Haruno Sakura-centric, Kekkei Genkai | Bloodline Limit, Marriage of Convenience, Multi, Original Character(s), Paranoia, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religion, Traditions, Worldbuilding, but the focus is on the clan, sakura does date someone in this fic, smiling Sasuke cameos, so I don't want it tagged as a shippy fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-10-09 10:02:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17404850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amako/pseuds/amako
Summary: The war is over and Sakura is the last Haruno.





	1. The Last Haruno

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mouseymightymarvellous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseymightymarvellous/gifts).



> I will probably never write a more detailed story, on an entirely made-up clan. But I'm having a BLAST wiriting that one.  
> This is a complete collaboration with the incredible, amazing Mouse, my writing soulmate. Please check out her work on her tumblr @mouseymightymarvellous. Without her, this would be a mess of spelling mistakes and incoherences.  
> I started writing this for NaNoWriMo, so I actually have 30k already finished. I'll try not to catch up too fast with what I've already written.  
> Finally, the opening art and the ending art of the story are by szajnie on tumblr, though I forgot to tell szajnie that Sakura has a second seal on her forehead, so it's missing from the art ^^
> 
> I hope you'll like it!

 

When everyone has been accounted for, when the village can finally be lived in again, when they've all started to heal from the damage done by the war, Sakura goes to look for her family.  For hours, she roams the new buildings, she browses through every list, looks into every headcount done by the Administration. And then she looks some more. But no matter how hard she tries, how much she searches…

Sakura internalizes the news while throwing up behind a bush, tears in her tired eyes.

Apparently, Sakura is the last Haruno.

Her parents died during the invasion. No one had asked about them, so she never told anyone. She mourned, then made her peace with it in the blood of every Sound ninja she ever killed. Now, with the list of remaining civilians in her hands (short, so very short), she has to bear the knowledge that all twenty-seven members of her clan are dead.

She's alone.

There's no one to teach the kids the careful process of dying clothes, how to embroider seals into the fabric to make the uniforms sturdier, harder to rip and easier to clean. No one to explain why they all have a voice inside their head. No one to explain it to.

Of the Haruno mansion, where they all lived together, there is nothing left. No pictures, no clothes. No bodies. The urns of her parents just part of the rubble that was cleaned when the village was rebuilt.

Sakura sits next to the bush, the smell of vomit strong in her nose. She feels numb.

She would take a hundred goddesses, a thousand teammates fighting to the death, if it meant filling the gaping hole in her heart where bright smiles and pink hair used to be.

The air is dry and cold, a sign of the winter to come. Her fresh scars are itching her. It's annoying, in a distracting way that makes her want to punch something. She wants to focus on the loss, on the bitterness that comes with how unfair everything is. Her mind keeps getting back to the missing front tooth in her little cousin's mouth, the taste of her seventeenth birthday cake and the new set of kunai her clan gifted her.

Finally, she manages to get up. The list is bundled up in her hand, white knuckles betraying her pain. She's dizzy with grief when she walks back to the new house she shares with all six members of her team.

For the first time since Sasuke left, she hopes that no one is home to welcome her. She wants to be alone with the fact that she'll always be alone, now.

 

When she gets there, to that traditional house built on the exact same template as the fifty identical houses around it (saving time was a big thing after the war), there is a courier waiting for her. He gives her a package, nods, and runs off, like the world hasn't stopped spinning, like it's easy to go back to living now that everyone who matters is dead. (She knows that's unfair to her team, to her friends, who she fought a war with. She doesn't care. The only thing she can focus on is the pain.)

Once sitting on her futon in the room she shares with Sai, she opens the package to find a dozen sealing scrolls. All of them are keyed to her chakra: she can feel it when her fingers brush against the paper.

Sakura opens them, one by one, to find all the records of her family history. There's the name of all her ancestors, every significant event in their history, how they came to join Konoha after leaving Uzushio. There are all the jutsu specific to her clan, all their dying and embroidering techniques. Every piece of knowledge they ever trusted to the Konoha Records, in the event of total destruction.

She's suddenly immensely glad for her clan's practicality.

Sakura stares at her parents' names, followed by the small kanji for _deceased_. Then she picks up her brush and, with slow strokes, she adds it to every name on the family tree. Her tears seem to synch to the speed of her writing.

 

Sai finds her later, kneeling with her forehead against the floor, her arms wrapped around herself. His voice is soothing, his monotone inflections calming something inside of her.

 

“What happened, Ugly?”

 

Sakura doesn't answer. Her throat is tight, a knot of sorrow, grief and fury stealing her words.

 

“Traitor! Dickless!”

 

Her breath is stolen, feeling stupid and angry at the same time that she didn't realize he would call them. She doesn't know why she's so bothered. She doesn't understand herself anymore.

 

“What do you want?” Sasuke's voice answers from the kotatsu room.

“Come and help, I think Sakura is broken!” Sai yells.

 

There's a commotion, then the sound of socks on the tatami. She doesn't move. She's not sure she remembers how to.

 

“Sakura?” Sasuke asks, crouching besides her.

“Hey, Sakura-chan, what's the matter? Are you hurt?”

 

She grits her teeth, her nails digging into her sides until she draws blood. Twin pairs of hands slowly unravel her fingers from the dents in her skin. She manages to straighten up slightly, her back still bowed, but now at least she's facing Sasuke.

 

She must look awful. He doesn't seem to notice.

 

Her smile is full of glass shards and rust, her eyes full of tears.

 

“I recently joined the 'Last of my Clan' club,” she says, biting and bitter. “Is there a membership card?”

“What!?”

 

She's not going to repeat herself. Her eyes fix on Naruto until he looks away, not asking again despite the lack of answers.

 

“This is a nightmare,” she whispers. She scrubs her face with her hands, her skin crawling. Nothing changes when she looks at the list in her hand. Her clan is still dead. She's still alone. Except that, unlike Sasuke, she actually knows how a clan works.

It means she has to start to think about the future of the Haruno, of their legacy, of the secret kekkei-genkai no one talks about in Academy classes.

You can't be a clan when there's only one of you. You can't be Clan Head unless you're married or widowed. It's just how it works, and she has neither the social standing nor the network to make that kind of change in Clan Law.

 

“I don't suppose one of you would agree to marry me, by any chance?”

 

Sasuke's frown would almost be comical, in any other circumstances. “What are you talking about?”

 

She laughs and Naruto flinches back. She knows it must be Kurama, telling him to be careful. To pay attention. Kurama knows all about vengeance and vendetta. He must have realized by now just how strongly she wants blood.

 

“Welcome to clan business 101. You need at least two people to make a clan. Otherwise, you can't pretend to a place in the Hokage Council, you have no say in village matters and what is taught about your clan is at the discretion of the Academy, not you.”

Sasuke snorts. “That's not true.”

“Really? Did you receive the last report regarding trade roads? Did you sign the last proposition for mandatory medics in teams of three or less?”

 

Sasuke's half-open mouth is answer enough.

 

“I received all that. Or my clan did, at least. I just read about it in the scrolls the Records gave me. That's what being in a clan means.”

She sighs, feeling like if she doesn't get a hold of herself, she's going to puke. Again. Sakura gets up slowly, her teammates following. They're all standing, and all she wants is to run away.

 

“That wasn't a joke, by the way. I actually need someone to marry me, right about yesterday.”

 

She looks at the three boys, the three men standing in front of her. She takes in their serious expressions, the half gesture Sasuke seems to be barely stopping, like he wants to hug her. She digs deep behind the pain to find the fierce love she feels for all three of them. It's enough to convince her that she can tell them. This secret isn't going out of the room.

 

“The Haruno have a kekkei-genkai. If I don't become Clan Head in the next few days, it's going into public records.”

Sasuke's eyes are shining. “What does it do?”

“Why would it be such a bad thing?” Naruto asks at the same time.

She closes her eyes, frustrated. “I can't tell you, I'm sorry. Which is exactly why it's a bad thing. It has been a secret since the Haruno joined Konoha. It was semi-public in Uzushio, and even then it was kept to the sealing masters of the shinobi force, and the Namikage.”

 

Sai crosses his arms, his head tilting in thought.

 

“If you're not Clan Head, it's not a clan secret because there isn't a clan anymore. It wouldn't endanger anyone if the secret was out.”

“Except me.”

“Except you,” he nods, “but the village only has to respect Clan Law, not individual shinobi demands.”

“Yeah. Basically, yeah.”

 

She runs her finger through her short hair.

 

“So, about that marriage problem?”

Naruto looks incredibly uncomfortable. “I can't- we can't just marry you like that! I mean, you need to be in love, you know?”

 

Even Sasuke looks at him in disbelief.

 

“If you think love has anything to do with clan business, Naruto, you need to wake up. And maybe have a long conversation with Hinata,” Sakura says.

“I'm not going to say sorry,” Sasuke says bluntly. “This isn't even close to a favour, what you're asking. It's huge. But beyond that, I apparently need to find someone to marry as well. We can't be a part of each other's clan without losing our own. I can't help you.”

 

She nods. At least from him, she can accept a refusal easily. As much as she personally think the Uchiha should disappear with him, he has every right to want to make his own clan. She feels that, after everything, she has the right to ask him something this big, but she can't expect him to agree.

Her eyes move to Naruto and Sai. She needs hope. She needs to believe they'll stand by her. Naruto isn't the last of his line, Sai has no clan to speak for. They're her _teammates._ In Konoha, that shit is supposed to mean something.

 

“I don't want to,” Sai says. He shifts a bit on his feet. “You told me I should want things for myself. I don't want to do that.”

She has to swallow the humiliation, which he probably hadn't intended. “I really need this, Sai.”

He frowns. “I really don't want to.”

“Okay, that's fine.” Sakura breathes. “That's fine.”

 

Last chance, then.

Except that Naruto isn't looking at her. He's looking at Sasuke. He looks uneasy, and unsure, and a thousand other things. But he's looking at Sasuke. And in that moment, Sakura understands that if he's ever going to give up his clan for someone, it won't be for her.

That-

That makes her hate him.

In that moment, faced with the knowledge that always, _always_ , he'll pick Sasuke over her, she hates him fiercely. How can she not? For years, she stood by his side. She chased after Sasuke with him, she healed him, she supported him, she loved him. She helped him when he needed it, reminded him of his dream when he was losing hope. She took his heart into her hands _and she kept him alive_.

And yet. And yet.

Naruto turns, and he only has to glance at her expression to know exactly what she's thinking. He flinches, taking a step back, his hands half-raised like he's about to explain himself. She doesn't want to hear it.

Sakura knows that if he were to speak even her name, she'd break something of his. A jaw and two legs look like a good trade for the absolute betrayal storming inside of her.

She doesn't smile, this time, but her voice is just as biting. Just as bitter.

 

“I guess this is farewell, then. Because when my kekkei-genkai is exposed? Chances are, I'll be assassinated within the hour.”

 

The shock on their face doesn't phase her. She crosses her room and jumps out of the window.

 

 

Team Gai is out of town on a mission, which she knows from Tenten is going to take a while. She can't wait for them to come back, she just can't risk it. It fucking sucks, because her best bets after her team were Tenten or Lee.

Sakura has heard many times from her friend's mouth that she'd love to have a clan name, that it would help her with her weapon business and her ANBU application. In less explicit words, Lee has expressed the same sentiment to her on a few occasions; mostly after he was denied something because of his sole focus on taijutsu. He’s suggested that being from a clan would save him the shame of being rejected.

That always leaves her seething, but he's always refused when she’s tried to use her status as the Hokage's second to get him to the places he wants to be. It's maddening, to see him treated like that, given how strong and brave and just plain _pure_ he is. She deals mainly in taijutsu, besides her medic role, and he's been a constant sparring partner. She stands by him whenever she can and she has no doubt that he'd do the same.

She would absolutely love living with him, on top of that. Or Tenten, for that matter.

Even Neji, with his hatred of his own clan, would have maybe agreed to help her. There's no knowing that though, because he’s still in a deep coma, personally cared for by Tsunade and Sakura in hopes of him waking up one day. He’s not, in any way, capable of helping her at the moment, though.

Instead, she goes to find Kiba.

Sakura figures, Hana is heir and the Inuzuka are _far_ from extinction. She's always liked Kiba, and he's always liked her right back, snark and sarcasm and filthy humour flying back and forth between them.

 

“Sure, why not?”

Sakura blinks. Is that really all it takes? When her own teammates- “Really? You would?”

He shrugs. “I've always thought I'd never marry. I don't see the big deal in relationships. There's no appeal to me. But if it can help you out and I get in on a grand secret... Sure, why not?”

“That's- Kiba, I’ll literally owe you my life if you do this.” Her heart is racing, adrenaline and relief pumping through her veins.

He smiles. “No problem, girl. Lemme just ask my mom, but I don't see why she'd say no. She always said that stuff doesn't matter.”

 

Sakura nods eagerly and waits for him in his room while he simply yells all around the house to find where his mother is. The voices quiet down. She gets fidgety. Then there are footsteps coming back, but she feels more than one chakra.

She quickly gets to her feet when it looks like Tsume has followed her son to talk to her. She bows down in a rush, but Kiba's mother makes a weird face and gestures for her to stop.

 

“Kiba tells me you need to marry him? Why?”

From one Clan Head to possibly, hopefully, another. Alright. “I'm the last of my clan, ma'am.”

Tsume's eyebrow rises up. “Shit, that's rough. Which one is it, again? I swear, I only hear about Kyojin Sakura these days, and I forgot where you're from.”

“She's a Haruno, kāchan.”

Tsume's face closes up instantly. “No. No way.” She crosses her arms. Following her attitude, her dog gets to attention. “I'm sorry. I respect what you did in the war, you truly deserve your title and every bit of praise sent your way. But there's no way in hell my son is marrying into your clan.”

Kiba looks gobsmacked. “Kāchan! What the fuck?”

“Oh.” Sakura swallows down, hard. “Is it because of the yūrei?”

“I'm sorry. I hope you find someone, Kyojin Sakura. I really do. But that someone isn't going to be Kiba.”

 

Her heart is crushed. It's even worse than her teammates, in a way, because there was just so much hope this time. Kiba looked so open to the idea, and he looks so offended now. Tsume sends her one last pitying look, before leaving the room. As soon as the door slides close, Sakura breaks down crying.

She didn't even feel it coming, but now that she's sobbing, she just doesn't know how to stop. It's everything, from the grief so fresh and the pain so raw, to the absolute humiliation that she feels at her fourth rejection. It's the fear, the terror that she won't live to see another day once her secret is out.

Sakura survived a war, and she's going to be killed by a piece of paper.

 

“What the hell, I'm sorry, Sakura. I don't know what got into her. But she's my Clan Head before being my mom, I can't go against her word.”

“It's okay,” she tries to say, but going by his face, she doesn't quite manage it.

“Are you going to be alright? Is it really bad if you don't find anyone to marry you?”

“I'll be fine.” She backs away, going for a mostly dignified exit. “I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Thanks for... thanks.”

 

Sakura isn't a coward.

She disappears in a swirl of leave anyway.

 

 

It takes her the better part of an hour before she can make herself move from her hiding place. The third training ground bears all the ghosts of her childhood. It's not really what she needs now, but it's a familiar place and she'll take what she can get.

She doesn't have that many options left. She's not even going to try Hinata. She's the heir of the strongest Konoha clan, there's no way she or her father will accept to let that go. Instead, Sakura finds herself at the gates of the Aburame Compound.

She's taken to a mostly empty room, where she's told to wait. Shino doesn't take long. He's dressed in a dark brown kimono, though his sunglasses are still firmly on. Sakura doesn't know why, but even that small change makes her consider him in a new light. She doesn't know Shino enough, for all that their generation has shared, and she thinks no one does except for his team.

He gestures for her to sit down and asks what he can do for her. Sakura shifts a bit on her knees, suddenly unsure. There is something strangely appealing about getting to know that mysterious boy she saw grow up from afar.

She explains in quick, efficient words, hoping that it will help sway him in some way. He listens patiently, the way she knew he would.

 

“An alliance between our clans would be beneficial, I believe,” Shino says finally. “Unfortunately, for that same reason, I can't accept your proposal.”

 

Sakura holds back her disappointment, barely nodding.

 

“It would have been an honour, Sakura-san. Please trust that. However, I've already accepted to marry a Lady of the Fuma Clan.”

Sakura releases a breath. “That's alright, Shino-san. I'm still grateful that you listened to me.”

 

She bows her head slightly before getting up. She's getting desperate, with how little options she has left. She doesn't know that many people in the force, it turns out. It's a good thing to have a close relationship with your teammates, except when those same teammates don't back you up when you need it.

 

“Sakura.” His hand has wrapped around her wrist, the drop of honorific just as startling as his touch. His fingers tighten slightly, and she turns to look at him.

 

He's deadly serious, she can see that even with the sunglasses still on. Just like that, she realizes that he knows. His parents must have told him about the Haruno, and he knows exactly what will happen to her if the information gets out.

 

“If-” He looks away. She doesn't dare blink. “My clan has agreed to hide you. You'd have to take our name and change everything you are. Why? To protect you. Let everyone think you're- It wouldn't be a perfect life, but at least you'd be alive. Remember that, please.”

 

She nods, a heavy knot in her throat stopping her from talking. Shino lets her go, and she leaves without a word.

She doesn't know how to tell him that she doesn't want to live enough to lose everything she is.

 

 

She finds all of Team 10 at the same time. They're all at the Yamanaka flower shop, Ino working and the two boys playing a game of shogi in the corner.

 

“Hey, Forehead! What's up? Here to help me? I can't count on those lazy fucks anyway.”

“You wish, Pig,” Sakura replies, more at ease in her skin than she's been for the last few hours.

 

There is something so familiar with Team 10, born out of hours spent together when her teammates were scattered to the winds. She trained so much with them for the chūnin exams in Kumo. Chōji, Ino and her had passed with flying colours and it's a source of pride for the three of them, and Shikamaru just as much.

 

“Sakura? What is it?”

 

Damn Shikamaru and his mind.

Sakura sighs and takes a seat next to Chōji. His hand rests on her shoulder almost immediately.

 

“I have something to ask you.”

 

Even Ino abandons her counter after the first few sentences. By the end, the game of shogi is forgotten; their undivided attention is for the shaking words coming out of her mouth.

When she stops talking, Ino hugs her as hard as she can. She knew most of the people Sakura lost, just like Sakura knows a good number of Yamanaka.

 

“Shit.” She looks up at Shikamaru, over Ino's shoulder. “You need one of us to marry you, is that it?”

 

Sakura nods and Shikamaru swears again.

 

“We can't,” Chōji says, looking pained. “We're Ino-Shika-Chō. None of us can lose our name, we need to pass the formation down to a new generation.”

“I figured,” Sakura says, hiding her face into Ino's neck. Her voice is shaking. “I thought I'd still try.”

“Did you ask Kankuro or Temari?”

She shakes her head. “It takes three days for a message to get to Suna, and the same to come back. There's no time.”

Shikamaru's brows furrow. “You should run away.”

“What? Shika, what the hell?” Ino demands, letting Sakura go at the same time.

“Ino, whatever this kekkei-genkai of hers is, she absolutely needs to keep it secret. Just look at her. That's not the face of someone needing a clan. That's someone who's afraid for their life.”

Ino turns to look at Sakura. “Is that true?”

“If the word gets out...” she looks down at her hands. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll be dead by the end of the day.”

“Run away,” Chōji says. “That's not even a question. You're _not_ going to die for this. I'd rather have you alive and far away, than dead on our Memorial Stone.”

“I'll think about it,” Sakura sighs.

Ino gives her a wide-eyed look. “Are you kidding me? That's not something we think about. It's you're goddamn life, Sakura!”

“Don't you think I know that? You wanna talk about hard decisions made to save my life, uh? Alright, then why aren't you marrying me?”

“I-”

“Don't trouble yourself. I'll be dead before you can regret your choice.”

 

She scrubs her face with her hands, knowing that her anger is misplaced. It's not anyone's fault what their own clan has them do. It doesn't stop it from feeling like a betrayal.

 

“Please don't say that.”

“If that makes you happy, I won't,” Sakura snorts. “It doesn't change the fact that I'm going to die.” She shudders, as if the idea is finally settling in inside of her heart. She's going to die. “Put lilies and mimosa on my grave, would you?”

 

Her grin is almost savage as she shunshins away.

 

 

Sakura doesn't want to go home to a place where she'll be faced with her teammates' refusal at every corner. Instead, she goes through the civilian district, where the Haruno Compound once stood. Now, there is a bar and a blacksmith taking up the space of her ancestors' land.

Finding it an acceptable idea after a second of thinking, Sakura sits at the open counter facing the street. People recognize her on sight now, and there are already children coming to ask for stories and adults thanking her left and right. She spent several weeks in the civilian barracks at the camp, healing people who couldn't count on chakra to help them. Civilians don't forget easily. She'll be a welcome sight for the rest of her life.

 

“A bottle of sake, please,” she asks the woman behind the counter. Sakura has a girl on her knee and two boys at her feet, and she's telling them a very romanticized version of her fight with Sasori. It seems like a lifetime ago.

“So even Kyojin Sakura has sorrows to drown away?” the owner asks, her delicate fingers pouring Sakura a cup before leaving the bottle in reach.

Sakrua snorts. “Don't we all,” she says before downing the cup in one go. The woman doesn't blink and pours her another one. “Fucking Clan Law.”

The woman's face turns sombre. “It's a damn tragedy, is what this is. The Haruno were the nicest folks in the whole district. Gave clothing to the orphanage and hired homeless teens when they had jobs to offer.”

 

Sakura opens her arms, leaning back.

 

“Last of the Haruno, at your service!” Then she finishes the new glass. “I need to find someone to marry right the fuck now, or I'm screwed.”

The woman lifts a pretty eyebrow. “Well, all you had to do was ask.”

“What?”

 

The woman shrugs, filling a third cup for Sakura and one for herself. Sakura looks at her, really looks this time, and notices the missing finger and the scar on her throat. Suddenly, she recognizes her. She was carried in with her throat cut open, bleeding to death. The medics were already carting her to the death pile, as disgusting as it sounds, because it didn't look like she would make it.

Sakura metaphorically barged in and saved the woman's life. That explains the generous servings of sake, at least.

 

“You saved my damn life, Kyojin. You saved all of us. You were the only one willing to help us, not prioritizing the shinobi just because they can make flashy explosions. Anyone in this fucking room would agree to marry you if it meant repaying a tenth of the debt we owe you.”

“You don't owe me anything.”

“We'll be the judge of that,” the woman says, emptying her own cup. Then she walks out back, where most of the customers are. Sakura absently notices the children leaving her to go back to their parents at the tables inside.

 

“Hey! I've got Kyojin Sakura over there. The last Haruno, remember the fabric shop? Clan Law needs her to marry. Any volunteers?”

 

Sakura watches in complete silent as six men get up, one after the other. Some of them have children perched on their hip, and then five women get up as well. Her heart is racing again, but this time she _knows_ , deep inside, that she can trust this hope.

The owner turns back to look at Sakura.

 

“Well, take your pick then.”

 

The breath she releases is hard and long. A single tear rolls down her cheek, before she scrambles off her barstool. In three steps, she's amidst the crowd of standing people. All of them look at her with shy smiles and grateful looks. Her eyes are caught by one of the boys who was at her feet, waving at her from his mother's arms.

 

“Please, sit down, all of you. I'll- I'll come and see you. Thank you so much.”

 

They obey, going to back to their drink and their conversation, but she knows she isn't forgotten. It feels warm, deep in her stomach.

She walks up to the woman with the boy, and gestures to the chair. The woman nods with a grin.

 

“Hi,” she says softly. “I'm Haruno Sakura.”

“I know, Kyojin. My name is Nori. This is Ishino. And the quiet man there is my partner, Haku.”

 

Sakura looks up in surprise, to find a man a step away from them, trying to decide if he should sit down as well.

 

“We're not married,” Nori continues. “It didn't matter much to us at the time. But if you're willing to take us all in your clan, Haku or I have no problem marrying you.”

“Life would be a lot easier with a clan name, and the protection that comes with it,” Haku says, finally sitting down next to them. “And we have a debt to you that we'd like to repay. This seems like you're doing us even more of a favour than we are you, but we're willing. We really are.”

 

Her hands are shaking on the table. They look at her, earnest and happy, like she's making the sacrifice here and not them. But they don't seem to budge. There's no last minute complication, no previous promise of marriage, no protective mother. They look at her with certainty and a dose of eagerness.

 

“Yes,” she says. “Yes, Kami, absolutely.”

 

Haku and Nori smile matching smiles, and Sakura feels alive again

 

* * *

 

 

_**The Haruno Main Family**   **(left-to-right: Lady Haruno Nori, Haruno Haku and Clan Head Haruno Sakura)** \- picture taken when Haruno-sama was released from the hospital._ _She made a full recovery and is expected to return to her duties very soon. Our journalists reported that she doesn't seem to regret what happened and implied that she would take care of the ones at fault as soon as she's able. Haruno-sama confirmed that her scar doesn't bother her and she's proud to be able to show that nothing could possibly make her stand down if her clan is in danger. The events of last month prove that Haruno-sama doesn't mean it lightly. More than a year after rebuilding her clan, Haruno-sama is proving to be an exemple of what a Clan Head should be._


	2. Drunk on sake and relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the overwhelming response! You have no idea how amazing it is to see so many people liking my work. I replied to every single one of you last chapter, is that something you'd like me to do every time, or does it feels a bit like cheating the numbers? Maybe replying only to long comments that have questions in them? What do you think?
> 
> I love hearing your theories, it was the best part of last week's comments, so if you have any more coming, please feel free, they absolutely delight me! I love you all and I hope this chapter will please you as much as I liked writing it, the worldbuilding and politics included.
> 
> Again a huge thank you to mouseymightymarvellous, my better half, alpha reader and helper in the writing of this story.
> 
> I decided to post that chapter today because it's my birthday and the comments will serve as additional gifts ahaha. Yes, I'm devious like that.

The bar owner, Shizuka, gets them a bottle of plum liquor and a glass of peach juice for Ishino. She winks at Sakura, like she hasn't just saved her life. Sakura still has a hard time believing what's happening to her. She thought she was going to die. Now, she's planning how to get the Haruno Clan back on its feet.

 

“ Do you mind moving in on clan land? There isn't any, at the moment, because we're literally standing on it right now, but I just have to ask the Hokage.”

Haku blushes. “We- we live in a community building.”

“ It's not a shame, anata,” Nori says gently. “It was war.”

Sakura frowns. “Alright, you're absolutely going to live in the Compound, then.”

“ Thank you.”

“ Please,” Sakura says, “you're doing me the favour. Remember that.”

 

Ishino wiggles out of his mother's lap and climbs into Sakura's, despite his parents' protests. Sakura smiles and shakes her head, not minding a bit.

 

“ There's one last thing to settle. You need to decide which one of you is going to marry me.”

“ Is there a difference?” Nori asks.

Sakura shrugs. “I can name Ishino heir, so that I don't need to have one myself. It doesn't necessarily has to be Haku.”

 

She brushes her short hair back, the second Byakugō seal she's filling in her forehead easily spotted underneath the first one.

 

“ The Clan Head's spouse has duties, though. Attendance at official events, handling the clan's resources. For the Haruno, specifically, the spouse also handles the clothing contracts and foreign trade. They also have to take care of the teaching of our craftsmanship to the new generation.”

 

She resists the urge to drown herself in the plum liquor, instead taking a sip of her cup. This is just technicalities, it shouldn't make her so emotional.

 

“ The Clan Head was my aunt. Her husband had the strongest backbone I've ever seen. Everything was going smoothly with him. Honestly, it's up to you. It's a lot of work.”

 

Nori and Haku look at each other, a familiarity in their silent communication that Sakura finds fascinating. Ishino has stolen a vial of stamina draught from her pouch and he's trying to read the label, squinting hard.

 

“ I'll do it,” Nori says finally, nodding with confidence. “I mean,” she flushes, “if that's alright with you.”

“ Yes! Absolutely, yes,” Sakura rushes to say, trying to convey just how grateful she is for all they're doing for her. She's not sure they're getting the message, and they seem convinced she's helping them as well, so they'll have to sort that out eventually.

 

She looks at the two people in front of her, and she can't stop herself from smiling like a loon. They smile right back at her. Nori's dark eyes are catching the light, her short brown hair ruffled by the dry wind coming through the bar's entrance. She's beautiful. Sakura has no problem seeing why Haku fell in love.

He has nothing to be jealous off, though. He looks like Neji in many ways, long straight black hair, flowing like silk. His eyes are ice blue, the kind of colour she's only seen on Yamanaka babies when they're born. She feels incredibly lucky that these two people, so obviously adoring of each other, would want to add her to their little family.

 

“ One last thing,” she says after a long moment of silence.

 

She gets up and goes up to the counter, getting Shizuka's attention with a small gesture.

 

“ Is it going fine?” Shizuka asks.

“ Yes. It's all thanks to you.”

Shizuka tsks. “Bullshit. You saved my life.”

“ Fine, fine. We're even, alright? Now, take this. I'm paying everyone's tab.” Sakura drops a roll of ryō onto the counter.

“ Should I tell them you did that?” Shizuka asks, taking the bills.

“ Over my dead body.”

 

Then she turns around, facing the tables and all the people who offered to marry her. Most of them are still looking her way, even if the time she spent with Nori and Haku makes it clear that she's picking them.

 

“ Thank you again for offering,” Sakura says a bit loud, so that everyone can hear her. “I can't marry all of you, you understand that. However, it's been pointed to me that a lot of you could use a clan name, and a good place to live. The nice thing with being Clan Head, is that I can adopt anyone I want into my clan.”

 

Now, she has everyone's attention. She feels a rush of adrenaline and happiness at the prospect of helping all these people, and knowing that the Haruno legacy will never be forgotten. Clothes will keep coming from Haruno hands, and uniforms for the force will still be embroidered with their techniques.

That's a lot more than she expected to be able to do when she received the news this morning.

 

“ So, this is a standing offer. I don't know how much land the Hokage will grant me, but I'll adopt as many of you as I can. I hope you don't mind sewing, because that's what my clan is all about, but otherwise, you're more than welcome. Thank you again.”

 

She turns to Haku and Nori and gestures for them to follow. They leave the bar in the complete silence of a stunned audience.

 

“ Are you sure that was a good idea? Don't you think people will want to take advantage of it?” Haku asks.

Sakura looks at him before sighing. “You know, you don't always like everyone in your clan. My cousin Shiro was a bastard and I hated him. But it didn't matter, because other members liked him very much. As long as everyone is getting along with someone, a clan works. And I'm not just going to accept anyone that comes knocking on my door. Just like any clan, I'll need to do a background check, and Nori will have to agree with me.”

The woman looks at her in surprise. “Really?”

“ You become my partner, when you marry me, at least as far as Clan Law is concerned. Every decision, we make together. Once the clan is big enough, new adoptions have to be voted on by the whole clan, even if the Clan Head has the final say.”

 

Haku scrunches his nose, his arms crossing. He seems lost in thought for a moment, before speaking.

 

“ You know, they should teach us more about how clans work.”

Sakura looses herself in watching the busy streets of Konoha in the evening. “They should,” she agrees. “They really should.”

 

 

 

It doesn't take long for them to get to the Administration Office of Shinobi Affairs. Sakura has only been there thrice in her life; each time, it was to get her graduation certification for a new rank. Given her status in the force, as well as the dual nature of her clan, she feels that this is the best place to do this.

 

“ I hope you don't mind if we don't have a ceremony. I need to do this as quickly as possible. However, we can have a proper wedding later.” Sakura looks away, a bit embarrassed. “My clan wasn't so big on religion, but I'm a shinobi.”

 

She doesn't have to elaborate. Everyone knows shinobi are superstitious fucks who would sell themselves to any god passing by if it meant living another day in the field. Sakura isn't as fickle as that, but she's a fierce believer in the Duality of Moon and Sun. She has an altar for Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi in her room, and she goes to pray at the temple every new moon.

There used to be a shrine in the old Haruno Compound. She'll have to ask for a new one, and the priests to bless it as well. When you punch a goddess in the face, you suddenly get a lot more serious when it comes to respecting the Gods.

 

“ I don't mind,” Nori says gently. “I'm almost looking forward to it. My mother passed down her wedding kimono to me, and was a bit disappointed that I never wore it.”

Sakura looks at her in surprise. “Your parents are still alive?” Then she blushes, realizing just how insensitive her question was.

“ They're not. They died before the war, actually. I have a brother, though.”

“ Would you like me to extend my invitation to him?” Sakura asks, honestly curious.

“ If you'd like.” Nori shrugs, the movement jostling Ishino in her arms. “We don't speak, to be honest. He never approved of Haku.”

Sakura makes a face, but doesn't comment. Privately, she knows she isn't going to adopt the brother. Haku's pained expression is reason enough.

They get inside the AOSA offices, and the lady at the desk snaps to attention when she recognizes Sakura.

She feels uncomfortable; if she hadn't gotten that apprenticeship with Tsunade, Sakura has no doubt that she'd have ended up a paper ninja, stuck in an office just like this one. The woman wears a hitai-ate, but the fabric is thick and the colour saturated. There isn't a single dent in the steel.

 

“ How may I help you, Haruno-san?”

“ We're here to get a marriage certificate.”

“ Oh, absolutely! Please fill in those forms for me.” She hands them a stack of papers that almost manages to make Sakura regret everything. She splits them between Nori and herself and starts filling her own.

 

“ Hum.”

Sakura turns towards Nori. “Yes?”

“ I- I don't know how to read kanji. I only know kana.”

“ Oh,” Sakura replies in a quiet voice. “That's alright. I'll fill them for you, and then later we can get you someone to learn, okay?”

 

Nori nods, grateful. In a soft tone, Sakura asks the questions and writes down Nori's replies. When they're both done with the papers, she gives them back to the woman at the desk with a tight smile. She wants to be done with this. The more she learns about Nori and Haku, the more she wants to punch anyone who put the civilians in such a position.

They have to wait quite a while, but Ishino is asking for another one of her stories, so she tells him about the first time she trained with Tsunade and the giant rocks she kept throwing at Sakura’s face.

Ishino's face hasn't stopped lighting up every time she's told him a new story, and Sakura has a strong feeling the boy is on a fast track to become a shinobi. She hopes his parents don't mind. She knows it can be tough for civilian parents to let their kid go to the Academy. It certainly was hard for her own.

Finally, they're called back to the desk. The woman hands them a scroll with the AOSA official seal, and a new ID card for Nori. The second certificate they get is a Proof of Formation, the only official document that recognizes the creation of a clan.

In their case, it's the one the Haruno always had but that was taken away when Sakura became the only Haruno left. It's given back to her and it's taking everything she has not to start crying in the middle of the office.

Instead, she thanks the woman and promptly gets out of the building before she can't control the waterworks anymore. Nori and Haku follow in silence, realizing the importance of the moment and the whirl of emotions Sakura is feeling.

After a few streets, when she's calmed down, Sakura stops again.

 

“ It's getting a bit late; if one of you wants to head home to put Ishino to bed, now's the time. I'm going to the Hokage Tower. You can come or wait until tomorrow.”

“ I'll bring him back,” Haku says almost instantly. “You go with Kyojin.”

 

Nori nods and opens her arms slowly for Haku to take the dozing child. She kisses Haku's cheek and waves goodbye, before the man turns around and leaves.

Sakura swallows the knot in her throat and leads silently until they reach the Tower. Nori looks up to the building, and up some more, in awe.

 

“ I've never been inside,” she wonders. “Are there many people? Do you need to give up your weapons? Do you  _ need _ weapons inside?”

Sakura grins. “No one is going to attack you, Nori. And even if they did, you're with me. You're safe.”

“ Oh, I know that, Kyojin. But this is exciting!”

 

Sakura tries to see it from her perspective, but it's hard. She's been in and out of the Tower since she was twelve years old, and even more after Tsunade agreed to train her. She's almost more familiar with it than her own home (destroyed and rebuilt upon, nothing left for her). She's definitely more at ease in it than in the new house she shares with her team.

Behind the mission desk, Genma is giving her a weird look. Sakura is incapable of being anything but cheerful given her circumstances, so she simply waves at him with a grin and ignores his raised eyebrows. She takes the stairs two at a time, barely making sure that Nori can follow. Sakura doesn't even pause at the door, just opens it and barges in with the confidence given by flying rocks and Hokage masters.

 

“ Sakura!” Tsunade is out of her seat, looking a bit grey. “I just heard about your clan. You need to get out of the village,  _ yesterday _ . The people will ask for your life.”

 

Sakura just shakes her head, Tsunade's words echoing strangely inside of her for how familiar they are to the way she’s felt the whole day. She gestures for Nori to step forward, until they're side by side.

 

“ This is Haruno Nori, my wife,” she says, her voice shaking like a leaf with excitement and apprehension. “I've come to claim back our land, and my Clan Head title.”

 

Tsunade looks at her in shock, before letting herself fall back into her chair. She's immensely relieved, and it shows in the way her cheeks flush back to a healthier colour. She stares at Sakura, shaking her head in disbelief.

 

“ My crazy apprentice.” That only makes Sakura smile harder. “Alright. Alright, fine. Both of you, sit down.”

 

Nori is bright red in a way Sakura would never have thought possible, given how pale she usually is. She settles a soothing hand on Nori's shoulder, hoping to reassure the woman that everything is going as planned. Nori relaxes slightly, and Sakura smiles softly, content.

 

“ The war left us with a gaping hole in population, which means we have plenty of room. Given the amount of the land your clan owned before the war, and your current popularity, you'll get something good.”

“ My popularity can influence how big clan land is?” Sakura asks in surprise.

“ Why do you think the Nara have such a large territory? There is less of them than there are Hyūga, but they're loved a whole lot more.”

 

Sakura blinks, taken aback. It does make sense, but she never would have thought it came into account. She really needs to read more about Clan Law and all the paperwork her family left behind. She can't afford to be out of the loop.

 

“ Right now, I can give you the space between the Inuzuka Kennels and the Aburame Compound. That's about one-and-a-half times what your clan had before. There's nothing there, but I can have a Compound built in the week, with Yamato's help.”

“ Don't pester him too much, he's had a lot to do since the war ended. We can wait a bit more than that.”

Tsunade nods. “Alright, I'll have it done. Here's your access to the Haruno account and funds. I think you already received the allowance for war losses?” Sakura nods. “Then all you're missing is your Clan Head status, which I'm giving back right now, as well as your place on the Council.”

 

All Sakura can do is nod and take everything Tsunade is handing to her. She gives a few documents to Nori, those she knows the woman will have to study to do her job. Which reminds Sakura that she needs to find a teacher for the couple. They need to be able to read, there's no way around that.

Tsunade is giving her a scrutinizing look that Sakura doesn't know how to escape. So she lets her master stare, not saying a word.

 

“ I'm proud of you, Sakura.”

She takes a sharp breath. “Thank you, shishō.”

“ Now get the hell out of my office, I have work to do.”

 

Sakura grins, knowing full well that the aforementioned work is fermented rice and comes in glass bottles. Once all her documents are gathered, she gestures with her head to Nori and they leave the Tower.

 

“ I'm bringing all of this back to the house. I'll sign a declaration of adoption for Haku and Ishino, and you can go home. Once they're done with the Compound, we can all move in.”

 

Nori stares at her, looking like she's been punched.

 

“ You know, when I woke up this morning, I had no idea my life would turn out that way.”

“ Me neither!” Sakura laughs. “Hell, a few hours ago I thought I was going to die.”

“ This is crazy. Oh gods, I married Kyojin Sakura.” Nori is laughing too, shaking her head in disbelief. “What just happened to me?”

 

Sakura doesn't know how to stop laughing, isn't even sure she wants to, so she keeps chuckling. The relief and fear battling for her attention are making her dizzy.  _ What just happened to me, indeed _ , she thinks, hugging the paperwork closer.

 

“ Hey, you wanna come inside for a minute? Meet my team?” she asks, not knowing really why she's offering but meaning it all the same.

Nori pales slightly. “You mean the Sannin? This is where Team 7 lives?”

“ Well, don't go around calling us that, we sorta hate it. But sure, Team 7 works just fine.”

“ Y-yes! I'd love to.”

 

Sakura wraps an arm around Nori's shoulders, bringing her close. She's small enough that her head leans on Sakura's collarbone and it makes her want to protect the little family she’s just found.

 

“ They don't bite. We're just a bunch of lost teenagers who got to punch someone bigger and badder than us in the face.”

 

Sakura slides the bamboo panel open, calling inside for help. She can't find in herself the anger and resentment she was filled with in the morning. When her boys come running, there is a brief second when she looks at them and something like terror flares up, wondering if she can ever trust her back to them now that she knows they would have left her to die.

But then she sees the tears in Naruto's eyes, the guilt on Sai's face and the same loss and grief she’s felt since morning on Sasuke's. She makes peace with the fact that they didn't know they were risking her life, and that when she told them, she didn't leave them the time to change their minds.

 

“ Hey,” she says softly, her voice weak. She's twelve all over again, newly short hair brushing her shoulders while she watches the unconscious bodies of her teammates. She's sixteen all over again, teaching Sai how to smile and posing for a watercolour he's painting. She's eighteen and covered in blood and grime, the four of them supporting each other in a chain of exhausted bodies while they limp back to camp.

 

She's twenty and she hands her stack of paperwork to Naruto, just before Sasuke draws her into a surprisingly warm hug.

 

“ I'm so sorry for you clan,” he says against her neck. “No one deserves that, ever. Especially not you.”

She closes her eyes, and hugs him closer. “I'm sorry too. You didn't deserve it either.”

 

Sakura hears a muffled noise, before two other bodies join the hug. Naruto plasters himself against her back, while Sai does the same with Sasuke.

It's amazing how almost dying can make you  _ so codependent _ you can't imagine your life without those fucked-up people in it.

 

“ I'm an asshole, Sakura-chan,” Naruto mumbles into her shoulder, where a long scar meets her spine. “I'll marry you tomorrow, just watch me.”

She chokes on her laugh, or her tears, and buries herself deeper into their embrace. “It's okay, Naruto. You should marry the one you love, whether it's the most beautiful girl in the shinobi nations or a one-eyed bastard oozing angst all over us right now.” Both Naruto and said bastard make a choked noise.

 

She wiggles out of the hug, until she can face all of them.

 

“ Hell, for all I care, marry both of them,” she says, shrugging. “But thank you for changing your mind. It's very sweet of you.”

“ It has nothing to do with being sweet,” he says, his jaw set. “I'm not letting you die if all I need to do is sign a piece of paper. Just tell me where to put my name, we'll be married in the next ten minutes, I swear. ”

 

Sakura bites her lip, so damn happy that she can trust them, that they were just all being stupid, herself included.

 

“ It's okay, Naruto,” she repeats. She turns to the side, putting a gentle hand on Nori's arm who has remained silent the entire time, simply watching them all. She still looks a bit pale, but Sakura is sure that what she just witnessed in one hell of a wake-up call from distant admiration and idolization.

 

“ Hello,” she says, a hint of northern Fire Country accent slipping through that Sakura had never heard before. “My name is Haruno Nori. I'm Kyojin's wife.”

 

Sakura makes a face at the nickname that no one seems willing to drop. She likes it, she really does, but from someone who's now Clan and who she goddamn married, it just sounds arrogant.

The three boys are blinking slowly, trying to take in the small stature and gentle features. Or maybe the fact that she's very obviously a civilian.

 

“ So, hum, yeah. I'm Clan Head now. Tsunade is giving me a Compound back. Which, by the way, you're more than welcome to move into, if you want to get out of this house.”

“ Thanks the gods, I hate it here,” Naruto blurts out. 

Sakura snorts in laughter, not expecting that to be his first reaction. The snort morphs into a full-on laugh, relieved and a bit astonished.

“ Sure Naruto, you can move it whenever,” she manages between two ridiculous giggles. “Come, Nori, I'll sign the adoption papers and you can run away from this mad house.”

 

Nori just smiles, confidence back and a hint of amusement colouring her face. Sakura bathes in the warm atmosphere of the night falling over Konoha while she signs the document with the proud kanji of a Clan Head.


	3. The Compound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a terrible week, but reading your comments was the best thing. I'll reply to all of them, I just need to get a bit better. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!!
> 
> The poems quoted in here are by my partner-in-soul-and-crime, which you can find on tumblr @mouseymightymarvellous
> 
> Japanese used until now:
> 
> Tamashii: soul, spirit  
> Kitsui: tough, strong-willed  
> Kyojin: giant, titan  
> Nori: edible seaweed  
> Haku: white  
> Ishino: short for Ishi no Jiyuu, which means freedom of will

In the end, they leave the house to Kakashi and Yamato. Their teachers are rarely there, always on missions now because the village needs the money to finish repairs and keep the hospital going. But when they are home, it's too cramped and someone always ends up going for a walk because everyone is stepping on everyone else’s metaphorical toes, and it's been driving them all crazy.

Kakashi and Yamato have known each other long enough that they don't need words to be at ease together, and they tell the four others as much when asked if they'll be fine on their own. The need for reassurance and the growing codependence in Team 7 doesn't stop at the four youngest members.

Yamato gives Sakura a secret smile when he tells her that he and the workers are finished with the Compound. She's grateful, knowing all the hard work he put into making this for her clan, no matter that he was ordered to the task. But at the same time, she goes to the community building feeling a bit wary, her backpack full of sealing scrolls with all her possessions that survived the war inside. It's never a good thing when Yamato's usually blank face gives away that kind of expression.

With her teammates trailing behind her, Sakura waits at the door of the community building. Nori told her not to come inside, that the popularity of Team 7 would attract all the civilians and they'd never be able to leave. Privately, Sakura thinks it has more of a morbid feeling attached to it; she doesn't know how many people have stared at her scars in the past few months.

All she can focus on, when she goes to the onsen, are the stares of the women there. Naked in the water, the criss-cross burns on her arms where the Byakugō left its mark are just as impressive as the cuts on her stomach and thighs from Kaguya's bone spires, or the claw marks on her back and shoulders from Zetsu, or, or...

She has too many scars to count, just like the others, and that's even without mentioning the ugly demarcation underneath Sasuke and Naruto's shoulders and the prosthetic attached there.

Almost exactly at the time they had agreed on, Nori, Haku and Ishino appear at the door. Sakura automatically gives them a smile, hoping to make them more comfortable now that it's getting all too real that their life is about to change forever. Being in a clan is something very different from a typical civilian life, and she _really_ hopes they'll be able to handle it. The last thing she wants is to lose the clan she has only so recently gained. Especially because she hasn't told them about the yūrei jutsu yet.

 

“Kyojin-sama!” Ishino runs towards her, hitting her legs with his whole body. The only reason she doesn't stumble is because of the unmovable strength Tsunade taught her, because the boy is full of energy.

“You don't have to call me that, Ishino-chan,” she says, crouching to look at him. “We're clan, now. Sakura is just fine.”

 

She knows it's somewhat pointless, given that it’s what his parents still call her. But maybe if she repeats it enough, they'll get it through their thick civilian skulls that you can't call your kinswoman by her war-earned nickname.

 

“Alright, shall we?”

 

Naruto sends her a weird look from behind his bangs, but she just sends him a death glare in return and starts walking. It's not her fault if she's nervous as hell. She's been reading stacks of papers and scrolls dating back to the time the Haruno were still living in Uzushio and her mind is full of long, distinguished words to say the simplest things. It's affecting her speech, so sue her.

Sakura doesn't want to think about her future. She's Clan Head now, and from her experience, they’re the kind of people who rarely get out of their Compound. They're more likely to tear their hair out from all the work they have to do to take care of their clan than to see the world outside their own walls.

Except that Sakura doesn't want to tear her already short hair out. She wants to go on missions with her team, just like she used to, and worry about regular ways she might die instead of magic chakra coming from the sky. She wants to learn kenjutsu like Sasuke has been nagging her to do. She wants to go on a diplomatic mission in Kiri and help them with their medical ward.

Wearing tight kimono in Council sessions and debating for hours about how much money they should allocate to the orphans of war is far from her idea of doing her duty. She doesn't have much of a choice, though, doesn't she? There's no one left to take the position and if she doesn't, the Haruno secret is out. And that- that is simply not going to happen.

Sakura tries not to think too much about what she's sacrificing to keep her kekkei-genkai and, by extension, her life, safe, and instead crosses the village in direction of the Inuzuka Kennels.

Nori is explaining something to Ishino in a quiet voice, with Sai pretending he’s not listening to what she's saying. Naruto has immediately taken to Haku, at first telling him about the first Haku they knew. Then Sasuke pitches in because Naruto is either giving himself too little or too much credit and, no matter which it is, it makes Sasuke grumpy enough to try to correct him.

Sakura just moves forward, almost vibrating with energy and a sort of thrill she hasn't felt since the first days she was learning medical ninjutsu and she felt like each lesson was a new challenge. She passes by the Inuzuka houses, until the high fences surrounding the Kennels suddenly make a sharp turn to mark the end of their land. Then she stops.

She's trembling, hit by her grief all over again, the feeling that she's going to lose herself in her mourning, in the loss of all those people she knew all her life and didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to. The whiplash of emotions makes her dizzy.

A bamboo wall rises high, marking the outside of the new Haruno Compound. Just as Tsunade had said, it's much bigger than what she used to know. It also looks nothing like the old one, and she doesn't know if she's grateful or pained by that fact. In the middle of the wall is a bamboo double door that she opens wide. The Haruno Compound had not once been closed to outsiders, and it's not going to start to be under her watch.

She's been to the Hyūga Compound before, and she can see where the inspiration came from, though the style of the houses reminds her more of the Nara Quarters. There is a wide street straight from the gates to a smaller gate at the other end of the Compound. The street must be about a kilometre long, which is just astounding to Sakura.

The first house on the right must be the Clan Head's. It's larger than the others and it bears the Haruno circle on both sides of the traditional sliding door. Sakura can't help but smile at the fact that Yamato noticed her love for old houses and traditional architecture, because it's in every house in the Compound.

From where she's standing, she can count four family houses and six single ones. It's custom to allow single houses to shinobi, because if they marry, it's usually later in their life than civilians and they don't need a huge house before marriage, especially since they're on missions most of the time. Her father's sister, the only other shinobi besides Sakura in the clan, had lived in one of those. She always figured she'd have one as well, before it all went up in flames.

Sakura turns around, facing the small group that followed her to her new home and into her new life.

 

“Okay,” she breathes, trying to relax. “Hum, custom would have it that you all live with me, but that's up to you. Especially if you intend to expand your clan, Sasuke. I'm allowed to house another Clan Head temporarily, but not in the Clan Head's home.”

 

Sasuke looks on the verge of awkwardness, which she finds incredibly funny. She refrains from smiling and allows him the time to find a proper way to explain to her that he's not going to find a woman to do that with very soon. Then she'll find a gentle way to ease him into the fact that if she can adopt people, he damn sure can as well, no matter her opinion on whether or not his clan should live on.

 

“That- won't be a concern for now. I’m not Clan Head anyway.”

“Cool,” she says easily. “Naruto, Sai?”

Naruto does his best to hide his longing, not that he manages it very well. “I'd like not to be alone.”

“Me neither,” Sai hurries to add.

“Great, amazing, that's- hum, you're welcome here, of course.” And now it's her turn to sound awkward as hell, just so damn pleased that they're not leaving her alone either. The bitter part of her mind, that sounds a bit like- well, that part is telling her that they’re abusing her love for them, after they so carelessly told her she could go die if it meant sparing them a marriage.

 

Not that she'd be alone, with Nori and Haku, but it's not the same. The three of them are already a family, no matter what her and Nori's records say. She wants to protect the couple and Ishino until the day she's not good enough anymore to dodge a kunai. That doesn't mean she can consider herself a part of their family.

She knows there is enough room for all of them, that's just how a Clan Head's house works. It's customary to have at least three generations plus employees to take care of the house and its occupants. That leaves them with a gigantic house and dozens of rooms, just like any clan mansion in the village.

The Haruno symbol is everywhere, in tapestries hanging from the walls and vertical scrolls painted with cherry blossoms. There's even a plaque, engraved with the kanji for _Kyojin_ on top of the sliding door to an interior garden with an open sky. She has to roll her eyes, recognizing the reason why Yamato looked so smug when they left the house earlier.

 

“You can all pick a room, I guess,” she says, already leaving the main kotatsu room. This house is built on the exact same floor plans as the old Haruno mansion and she knows precisely where her bedroom will be.

 

She used to go and play with her cousin when her aunt and uncle weren't at home because of clan business. They always ended up in the Clan Head's bedroom, trying on her aunt's formal kimono. Both of them were drowned in heavy fabric and embroidered sleeves, but he always insisted that she joined him to play and his mother never mentioned it if she had figured out their favourite game.

Sakura does her best to erase the image of her cousin's grin on the day he got his first apprenticeship to the Haruno shop, and enters her bedroom. She puts down her bag, sitting cross-legged on the floor as she takes out her storage scrolls one by one, until they're all scattered around her.

She'll have to unpack soon, and sort everything she brought. There's also the matter of the yūrei jutsu that she'll have to explain to Nori and Haku, maybe even her team if they're serious about staying. Then she has to reply to all the letters she got from civilians asking for adoption, and then-

But instead, she lies on her back on the tatami floor, her arms open like she's trying to hug the universe, and she just breathes in. Out. In. Out.

The room smells of incense and eucalyptus, just like her aunt used to.

She doesn't know if Yamato is just that good or if she's making it up. Neither answer satisfies her, so she keeps breathing in and out until she makes peace with her new life.

She's Clan Head of a household of six, none of whom have pink hair or eyes that tend to go white when the voice inside their head is just _that bit_ too loud. She never wanted anything to do with the clan, much happier being a shinobi and coming home on some rare occasions, just for the clan holidays.

Now they're all dead, her kind-hearted aunt and her uncle with a spine of steel, her cousin with the grin dressing up in his mother's clothing. All of them, and she's the last.

All Sakura wants is to go back to punching Kaguya. She wants to remember what being Kyojin Sakura tastes like, when blood is slipping through the cracks of chapped lips and staining her teeth. She wants to remember what it's like to kill.

Instead, she rises from her floor, bites into her thumb a little too hard and spreads her blood onto the sealing scrolls to open them. And when her thumb keeps bleeding into the tatami, she tells herself she's not going to waste chakra on something so small and she just lets it drip onto the floor, slowly.

All her stuff is put in the appropriate places, until the room looks like somewhere she might actually live in and she feels a little less like she's going to crumble into millions of rusty pieces. Then she goes to sit at the window, and she stares at the main street of the Compound that is now hers, where she's going to have to build a new life for a dead clan.

It hurts. She doesn't know what to do about it.

So she hurts.

 

 

In the ends, she adopts two families, one woman with a child, and two brothers who have only barely turned fifteen. They lost their parents in the war and are just old enough to not be welcome in a full orphanage. Instead, they've been living on the streets since the war ended, all those months ago.

All of them get a family house in the compound, a shinobi one  in the brothers' case. The new Haruno Compound is the topic of the week in Konoha, both because it's Kyojin Sakura they’re talking about and she's the kind of topic people never get tired of, and because the Haruno never were a big clan and now they're getting a patch of land bigger than most shinobi clan.

Sakura tries not to listen too much to what people are saying, but it's hard when they stare at the walls of her new home, looking like all they want is to get inside and pry into the life she's trying to build with her team and the new members of her clan.

She does her best not to care about the fact that she's the only one with pink hair and that she still hasn't found the time (the will, the strength, the courage, but she'd never admit that) to tell the boys and Nori and Haku about the yūrei jutsu and the voice in her head that has been screaming increasingly louder since she moved in.

Instead, she goes to the mission desk and asks for something short, preferably inside the village, so she can take her mind off of everything. It's not even about the money, because she's unlikely to find something above a C-rank without leaving the village.

The Haruno inheritance, plus the post-war losses compensation, plus the frankly ridiculous sum of money Team 7 got from the only ever recorded K-rank mission - for Kami - is enough to sustain her and her entire clan for five generations.

But she needs something to do, something that doesn't involve drowning herself in paperwork and having to delve into the memories of her lost family and the traces they left on everything she has to look at to make sure her clan survives.

Iruka does his best to leave his face judgement-free when she asks for something to do, and instead hands her a B-rank to investigate the alleys behind the civilian district where it looks like something of a mafia is starting to develop where the Hokage and the shinobi force don't have the numbers or the time to patrol.

Sakura takes the mission with gratefulness and tries to ignore the stares from the people at the mission desk who only know about Kyojin Sakura and have no idea who she is when she's isn't tearing throats out or saving lives. Given how much her hands are shaking, it's a work in progress.

She's... strangely excited. This is going to need undercover work, and a good chunk of prep before she can look even remotely like a nice civilian woman seeking help against her abusive husband. Nothing like a desperate, frail girl when you're trying to get information. No one distrusts a weak woman.

It's only when she's faced with her mother's old clothes, the ones she couldn't help but keep even after she scattered her parents' ashes to the wind, that Sakura realizes just who she's going to pretend to be. In another life, with other choices, she might have been exactly the woman she's aiming to imitate. It's a hard realization to face, when your life is currently governed by hard choices and radical changes.

Sakura picks a light yukata shirt and loose pants, both worn and coloured in earthy tones so she can blend with the crowd. She finds her father's geta, closer to her size than her mother's. Then she wraps a scarf around her head, like the women working in the fields around Konoha do to keep the hair out of their face. It serves the purpose of hiding her unique colouring.

Some khôl smothered over her eyebrows to darken them and rice powder on her forehead to hide her seals, and no one would ever recognize Kyojin Sakura underneath. It's wonderful what fame does to help you; because no one knows her, truly knows her, outside of her peers, people only picture her as pink hair, Byakugō and hard muscles. With all of that hidden away by clothing and fabric, no one could possibly recognize her underneath what's far from an elaborate disguise.

 

“Sakura?”

 

She finishes smearing the khôl on the fine hair of her brows before turning around. Naruto has his eyebrows raised in a puzzled expression, as confused as he is intrigued by the way she looks.

 

“It's amazing how disturbing this actually looks,” he muses, not really talking to her as much as to himself.

Sakura can't help the proud quirk of her lips. “Do you need something?”

“No, I was just going to ask if you wanted to go eat at Ichiraku, but apparently you have other plans.” His statement is more of a question, and she feels slightly unsettled, like he's accusing her of something when his sentence is nothing like a rebuke.

“Yeah, I have a mission. But get me some ramen to go, I'll eat it when I get back, yeah?”

“Sure. Mind if we take Nori-chan and Haku with us?”

Sakura shrugs. “They're not under orders, they're free to do what they want. Ask them and they can answer you way better than I can.”

Again, it feels like she's failed some sort of test when Naruto's mouth does something weird and she can't quite figure out what it means. She considers asking him, but then remembers her mission, and most importantly the reason why she asked for one. She needs to stay away from these people for a short while, just until she feels steady in her own skin once again.

That means letting it go when Naruto is acting weird, and instead going to do the job she's being paid for (again, not that she cares very much about the paycheck). Sakura can worry all she wants about her teammates, their codependency and the shit show she started when she decided to become Clan Head when she comes back from her scouting.

For her first mission in a very long time, it goes surprisingly well. She hadn't anticipated how rusty she's gotten in terms of lying and deception, two things so deeply ingrained in shinobi training she never would have thought she could lose her edge. But that's the thing with war, isn't it? You don't need subtlety, or stealth, or any assassination technique they'd been taught during the long years of their learning.

All you have to do is find the quickest, least tiring way to kill someone so that you can kill the next one and the next after that and still have enough breath left in you to kill the last one and save fifty lives in a row before crashing onto a cot and sleeping for the three hours they can get by without you. Which actually means the number of people they agree to lose in order to keep you functioning, the maths revolving around casualties and 'we can let ten people die if the sleep she gets helps her save sixty after that'.

Undercover work is clean and precise and so much more exciting than the endless bloodbath of war, the countless bodies of Zetsu clones and brainwashed comrades. She gets it done almost quickly and without a single mistake, no matter how close she comes on multiple occasion. It does make her realize she needs to go back to training. Her form is impeccable. Her shinobi work, a little less spotless.

When she comes back to the Compound, after surrendering the five leaders of the yakuza ring that was steadily growing in the darkest alleys of the civilian district, she's proud of herself. It's a feeling she had missed since before the war, and she's glad to get it back. She's even more glad to realize that nothing she did in the war makes her feel any ounce of pride.

 

“I'm home!” she says, her voice loud and echoing in the Haruno main house and she takes off her shoes and gets into her slippers. They were a gift from Kakashi after she invited him, Yamato and Gai to have a meal in their newly invested house. She absolutely adores the little watermelon pattern on the fabric.

“Welcome back,” a kind voice answers, just before Haku appears and instantly starts disrobing her. It's the strangest feeling, to know she has people waiting for her at home, people who are _clan_ and know what that entails.

She spent hours talking about her memories and how everyone in her family acted, Haku and Nori listening with unwavering attention. Now they're copying everything her clan used to do, every tradition observed perfectly, little details she doesn't even remember telling them now back in her daily life. It's exhilarating.

Now Haku is taking her coat off and unwrapping the fabric until it frees her hair and giving her a cup of tea to sip on as he ties a clean yukata over her under-shirt. It's exactly what her uncle used to do for her aunt, what her mother used to do for her father, and she revels in the familiarity, like a routine settling back in her life, except that it wasn’t ever a routine for her, was it?

She saw it happen, hidden behind bamboo doors and paper rice walls, whispered words of welcome she could only witness and long for. And now, standing in the shadow of a house destroyed, she can almost feel the ghosts of old habits brushing against her arms.

 

“Did your mission go well?” he asks, more for making conversation than expecting a true answer, knowing there's a very real possibility that it's classified and Sakura won't be able to talk about it.

She nods, pleased. “It did. Not a glitch, from start to finish.”

 

Sakura finishes her cup of tea while she follows Haku into the kotatsu room. She puts the cup on the low table before handing an envelope to her kinsman.

 

“This is my pay, can you give it to Nori? She needs to put it-”

“In the main family funds, for village taxes and day-to-day expenses.” Haku smiles at her surprised face. “We do listen to you, you know?”

“Yes, sorry,” she says, a bit sheepish. “I'm still not used to...”

“To everything?”

 

They both turn to look at Nori, who is carrying a grumpy Ishino on her hip. The child must have been woken up by the wards in the wall. It's a bit hard to get used to when you haven't lived in a clan compound for long, where the faint chakra trace left by the wards is enough to rouse anyone from the deepest sleep.

 

“Us either, Kyojin,” Nori continues, giving Ishino to his father when the child extends his arms in that direction.

Sakura bites back a reprimand over the nickname, knowing that it's pointless. Days of life together and there are battles she needs to stop fighting. “Glad to know I'm not alone in this, then.”

Haku gives her an open-mouth smile, rocking Ishino gently. “That's the whole point of a clan, though, isn't it?”

 

Sakura can't find anything to answer to that, so instead she clasps both of them on the shoulder before going to sleep.

 

 

She’s Clan Head, but it doesn’t mean she’s letting go of all of her duties at the hospital. She did give up her position as Head of Konoha Central to her assistant, but she still performs surgeries and helps patients who have a much better chance of surviving if she’s the one taking care of them.

And there is one patient in particular she refuses to let someone else care for. Not after everything he went through to make sure her own friends would live another day. Not when the respect she has for him burns in her chest next to the fierce desire to _protect_ that she never managed to let go off.

So, two days a week, she goes to the hospital, she does surgeries, and she takes care of Neji.

His condition never changes, he barely even moves at all, really. It’s like he’s sleeping, the kind of bone-deep sleep that knocks you out after a long mission, after coming home weary and exhausted and covered and blood, dirt, and indifference.

Except that Neji never wakes up. He doesn’t get to experience the incredible feeling of opening your eyes, body fully rested, knowing your pay is fat enough that you can treat yourself to a good meal and a day at the onsen before going back to the mission desk.

Rinse and repeat, because it’s the only thing they’ve been taught to do at the Academy, especially since neither him nor Sakura are the kind of shinobi that gets spared the front lines. They’re not important enough, Clan enough, for that.

(Or, at least she wasn’t, because now she’s coming home to a lively compound and meals at a table of seven and it hurts in the best way.)

So she stays by his side, claiming everything from war hero status to ex-Head of hospital to justify the time she spends sitting next to him, reading him the latest poetry book Tamashii Kitsui released. The poetess from Kiri is a shared love they discovered on the battlefield, after witnessing the rise of the Jūbi. Sakura had watched the spirit, gigantic and burning from inside with a fire of chakra and old power, and she murmured, _bricks in hand, we salute the dawn._

Neji was standing next to her, blood boiling with fear and awe, the purest emotions raging inside of him at the sight of the mythical beast. At Sakura’s words, he had taken an involuntary breath. It was his favourite poem, and hearing it from someone whose strength and will he had the utmost respect for calmed him enough to face the Jūbi.

Later that day, they had discussed the author and how much they loved her, how much of an impact her works had on them. Sakura went to bed with a smile, and Neji sacrificed himself the next day.

Tamashii-san released her new collection of poems a few months after the war, stating at the beginning that she was dedicating the book to every soldier who fought in the war to save the civilians. Sakura thinks it’s fitting that she read it to Neji.

No one in the hospital dares tell Sakura that they would never ask her to leave his side, so they let her tell her lies and nod like they believe her, then move on. Sakura spends a few hours reading out loud, and when her throat is dry or when Tenten and Lee show up, she quietly leaves.

Until one day, as she’s reading her favourite poem from the new book for the hundredth time, Lee comes to sit besides her. She’s already rising, ready to leave him with his sleeping teammate, but Lee’s hand shoots up and grabs her wrist. She sits down without a word, a shiver running through her spine from the firm touch.

No one really touches her, these days. It’s strange, in a way, given how much time she spends with her team in an effort to forget why she sometimes hates them so much it tears her chest in half. She thought she had forgiven them for their selfishness, but then she realizes that she hasn’t spoken to Team 10 in almost three months and that she can never reply to Ino’s smiles when they cross paths at the Tower.

Those times, faced with the fact that something is forever broken between her oldest friend, Team 10 as a whole, and herself, she hates. So she purposefully seeks out her own team, in a effort to remind herself why she loves them. It’s hard, and she doesn’t let them touch her until she has buried her resentment underneath hours of new good memories.

Lee touches her, and she shivers. He notices, a sharp look making her shift in surprise at his lack of comment. Instead, he squeezes her wrist a little tighter and her whole body shakes once. He remains silent. His hand doesn’t move, though, and his thumb begins to draw circles on her skin.

She’s grateful for the act of obliviousness, so she quietly enjoys the touch and waits for whatever he has to say.

 

“I think he hears you, you know.”

“I think so, too. Here, we know that people in a coma can be aware of outside stimuli, sometimes.”

“I’m glad, then.” He looks at her, his smile so bright it warms her up instantly. “I’m truly glad, Sakura-san.”

“It’s- you know I’d do this for anyone.”

“I know. I’m grateful. You’re good to us. Someone should have been good to you, too.”

Sakura swallows. “What are you saying?”

Lee’s thumb makes her shake, her touch-starved skin barely handling the new sensations. “I’m saying I’m ashamed of what happened to you.” He brings her hand to his chest, his fingers massaging her skin and she bites back a sigh of pleasure. “I’m saying if any of us had been there at the end of the war, a member of Team Gai would be a Haruno right now.”

 

Sakura stops breathing.

 

“You deserve the world, Sakura-san. I’ve been saying it for years. That you still can’t see it breaks my heart.”

 

He gives her back her hand, but it’s too late for her and she reaches out without thinking. He looks at her with surprise, but takes her hand back.

 

“You’re here so often, taking care of Neji-kun, being so good to everyone, to the people you adopted, to the team who disrespected you.” His voice becomes hard, harder than Lee’s voice has any right to be. “Someone should have been good to you,” he repeats.

 

“ _I’m finding I’m not her; the girl I thought I’d be_.”

 

They both turn so fast their hands break apart, but they don’t notice. From the bed, Neji is looking at them, the words still red like petals on his lips, blood from a wound that Sakura can feel between her ribs. He’s throwing at her face words she read to him in his sleep, words that resonate inside her heart with such ache she forgets they’re not the only thing defining her.

 

“The girl we’re finding, Haruno, is someone worth dying for,” Neji says, voice rough and weak, eyes shining with unshed tears of exhaustion and relief, hands extended towards his teammate like a lifeline, like if he takes his eyes off of her for one second, Lee’s the only thing that’s going to keep him afloat.

Sakura hangs onto Lee who can’t takes his eyes of Neji who is reaching for Lee who can’t take his eyes of Sakura who is reaching for Neji and, and-

Maybe Sakura is dying a little bit on the inside.

In her heart, Tamashii Kitsui is singing.


	4. Naka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll like this chapter, it's very important both to me and to the story. I keep telling myself I'll answer to your comments, but my weeks keep getting worst and worst. But I'm determined I'll get down to it eventually. I've started tonight, but haven't finished. Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I fought with the man I love the most in the world, really bad, and we haven't talked again yet. I wish that a lot of things were differents, and posting this today is my way of hoping a kindness will outbalance the bitterness and disappointment of yesterday. I'm hoping with all my heart that your life is good and that you are happy. You deserve it. Everyone does, believe it if you believe anything.
> 
> As always, eternal love to you, Mause.
> 
> Some useful japanese for this chapter:
> 
> yūrei: ghost  
> yōkai: apparition, phantom  
> warui: evil, sinful, to blame  
> dōjutsu: a kekkei-genkai that manifests physically through the eyes, like the byakugan  
> bai: white (in Chinese) double (in Japanese) which I think fits very nice, you'll see why, so I said in the story that in Konoha's language, it means both

Time passes with a speed Sakura fights to comprehend. Between going back to training with her team, who needs to learn how to compensate for two prosthetics, chakra-suppressant seals as life-sentence and a secret kekkei-genkai getting out of control, is exhausting. And  _ time consuming _ . On a scale she absolutely would  _ not _ have expected.

On top of all that, the Council sessions have started again. She had expected that, it was actually one of the first things she knew she'd have to deal with when she decided she needed to take the mantle of Clan Head. It doesn't change the fact that each session takes up hours of her day, and that's without accounting for all the time she has to spend preparing for the sessions and debriefing with Nori afterwards.

She had no idea just how much maths she'd be doing, or how many books on foreign law and trading and farming she'd have to read to understand even a third of what is being said. Sakura has always liked to read and learn, so that's not a problem. But no matter how much she searches, she can't seem to find more than twenty-four hours in a day; that's proving to be a problem, recently.

To make matters worse, the more normal Council sessions are replaced by shinobi-related ones on occasions, and those are something else entirely.

Not only does she still have to hide her kekkei-genkai, despite everyone on the Council knowing the Haruno have one and it's the reason she had to become Clan Head, but she also needs to face the looks some representatives send her because  _ they  _ know and they're judging her for the way she's handling it. Or for the colour of her nail polish. At this point, she's getting so much stink eye that finding the reasons behind it is getting harder by the minute.

Sakura has a renewed respect for her aunt and uncle, and the crazy work this role asks of her on a daily basis. It also makes her see in another light all the Heads of shinobi clans who don't go on missions anymore. She absolutely gets why they wouldn't have the time; and, seriously, mad respect for Inuzuka Tsume who manages to do both.

 

“ Sakura-sama!”

 

She scrunches up her nose. At least, it's better than Kyojin, and it's also the proper way of addressing a Clan Head. That doesn't mean she has to like it. At least none of her teammates are here to hear it, because each time they manage to convey how hilarious they find her distaste without batting an eye.

 

“ Yes, Asami-san?”

 

The middle-aged woman is part of one of the families she adopted. She's a single mother raising three kids, her husband a chūnin who died when they were trying to contain the Jūbi. There wasn't a chance that Sakura wouldn't adopt her after hearing that. On top of that, Asami was a seamstress before her husband died and she had to stop to take care of her children. Given what the Haruno do, it only made sense that Sakura would deem her a suitable addition to her reborn clan.

 

“ I'm sorry to bring this to you, I know you're very busy and it's absolutely alright if you don't have the time to handle this-”

“ Asami, I'm your Clan Head. It's my duty to take care of you. I promise you, you are not bothering me and I have all the time in the world to help you. Breathe, okay?”

 

Trying to get over the fact that half of the words she just said are as much to reassure herself that she's capable of helping Asami as they are to reassure the poor woman, Sakura offers her a kind smile.

 

“ Ichida would like your permission to enter the Academy!” Asami says very quickly, her eyes closed like she's already expecting a refusal.

 

Sakura's face softens even more. She knows the Haruno Clan is seen as civilian, and they rarely send their children to the Academy. She's aware of being something of an exception, but she'd sooner die than tell a kid he can't go and learn what she was so excited to learn as well.

 

“ Yes, of course! Tell Ichida-chan he has my blessing. He's turning seven soon, isn't he?”

“ He is!” Asami blushes, pride and happiness fighting on her face. “Thank you so much, Sakura-sama. He's going to be ecstatic.”

 

The woman bows before hurrying back to her house, most likely to tell her son the good news. With her spirits high and filled with a long-overdue feeling of accomplishment, Sakura finishes walking up to the main house. She won't find Haku waiting for her this time. He's taken to reading the scrolls left by the artisans of her clan, in hopes of mastering the art and teaching it to the other families.

They haven't spoken about it, but Sakura knows Haku is doing this for her. Secretly, she's not going to feel like these people she’s adopted are true Haruno until she's seen them with metres of thread wrapped around their wrists, always a square of fabric folded on their lap and needles stuck in pink-haired buns. That used to be another way of spotting a Haruno, even if they didn't have the traditional rose hair. They always had long hair, and used the bun to keep their tools in a place where they were sure to find it.

After reading some of the guides her uncle wrote, she knows that before leaving Uzushio the Haruno were actually mainly a shinobi clan, with only a few seamstresses and tailors. They dealt mainly in senbon and long, sharp blades they kept hidden in their long hair, the colour fooling people into thinking the Haruno were no threat.

Mito-sama's mother, Shira, decided that the Uzumaki Clan would cease to be nomadic when she became leader. They left their ships to build a village on the biggest island of the Taifū archipelago, what would later be known as Uzushiogakure. That made a lot of people angry amongst the Uzumaki.

The families on one of the five ships refused to settle on land with the rest of the clan. Instead, they kept sailing until pirates from what would become Kiri sunk their boat. With only a couple of families left, they reached the very south of the Land of Fire. The first sight that welcomed them, those Uzumaki who had never set foot on land before, was the cherry trees blossoming for the first days of spring.

Sakura doesn't know if this is legend, a sweet fairytale told to children, or if it's actually based in truth. But she loves it nonetheless, especially because it gives a nice meaning to the Haruno name.

Those Haruno, the Uzumaki who arrived in the Land of Fire as the Senju and Uchiha started their bloodbath, were shinobi through and through. But their number was small and there was already enough war going on. What the farmers of the south needed were people who could help them live better lives.

So instead of continuing in the shinobi business, they used their skill with senbon and their knowledge of needlework to find work and make a living. Thus the Haruno left their fighting heritage behind and became masters of embroidery.

When they joined Konoha, two generations had passed, and they mainly came to reunite with their Uzumaki cousins who grew up on the island. The Uzumaki were good enough fighters that the Haruno never had to go back to shinobi work.

From the Uzumaki, they kept a fiery temper and an interesting hair colour, as well as amazing chakra control and impressive chakra reserves. All those things, Sakura claims with pride, as well as the connection to Naruto she just recently learned in her books.

For Haku to go all this way to make her feel at home in her own clan is something Sakura is never going to know how to repay. Her sense of debt and Nori's and Haku's are very different, but she's fine with doing her best to make their life great if she gets the same courtesy in return.

With Haku hidden away, she doesn't expect to find Nori either. The woman is busier than ever with the duties of a Lady Haruno, which Sakura is far from jealous of. She hopes that at least one of her teammates is home, though. It's a bit selfish, but she wants to rant a bit and the best way to do that is to catch one of her boys and have them listen.

 

“ I'm home!” she yells, hopefully loud enough for anyone who's here to hear her.

“ Sakura!”

 

She almost jumps out of her skin, caught off guard at the sound of Nori's voice. Why would she be here?

 

“ Sakura, please help me!  _ Hurry _ !”

 

Her breath catches in her throat. Nori isn't attaching anything to her name. Nori sounds like she's going to cry. Nori-

Sakura stops thinking and instead rushes through the compound as fast as she can. Nori isn't far, or she wouldn't have been able to hear her this clearly.

 

“ Nori! Where are you?” she screams, crashing through the sliding bamboo door without opening it. She's standing in the inner garden, the central space of the house, where she'll have the best chance of locating Nori when she next speaks.

 

“ I'm here! Please, help!” The panic in Nori's voice explains her less than useful answer, but it's enough that Sakura knows where she is now.

 

Sakura rushes into Ishino's bedroom, her hands already wrapped around twin kunai, ready for a fight.

Instead, she finds Nori kneeling by Ishino's futon, the boy unmoving on top of his cotton covers embroidered with the Haruno symbol.

Sakura stops breathing. If he's- if she let this happen, inside of her house, when she promised to protect them...  _ if he's dea- _

 

“ I don't know what's going on with him, he isn't answering and he's freezing cold and his pupils are grey, just- please! You're the best healer in the world. Help my son!”

 

Sakura drops on her knees next to the futon and Nori gets out of the way in a split second. She stares at Sakura, worrying her lips with her teeth. Sakura puts her hand on Ishino's forehead, but retracts it with a hiss. He's  _ actually _ freezing, not just cold like she had expected. She raises his eyelids just enough to confirm that his eyes are indeed grey, but it's not just his pupils anymore, it's even his irises that are changing colour.

She can't help it; she hides her face in her hands, breathing in relief and anxiety at the same time. Ishino isn't going to die. But she won't be able to hide the Haruno's kekkei-genkai any longer. She simply hopes Nori and Haku will forgive her the scare, and that Ishino will come out of this better and not worse.

Because if he doesn't? If they don't forgive her? If she loses what she has only just gained, if the Haruno clan goes back to being just her...

It's Sakura who'll never forgive herself.

 

Nori is leaning back against the wall, her knees up against her chest and arms wrapped around her shins. Sakura sits cross-legged next to Ishino's futon, as the boy warms up slowly. She's focused on his pale face and the healthy flush progressively coming back to his cheeks. Nori's eyes are burning holes into the skin of Sakura's nape, so she bites her lip hard and pretends not to notice.

She can't do it forever, because there is a commotion on the other side of the door, before Haku comes inside, worry etched into his features. Sasuke had heard Nori's cry about a second later than Sakura, but he had gone out when it looked certain that she was handling it. Sakura doubts that he just waited around, and it's much more likely that he went looking for Haku.

Now both parents are in the room, with a child who, though looking less like he's about to die, isn't waking up either. Sakura does her best not to cringe when Haku rushes to Nori's side and they both start whispering. She can feel them both glance her way while they speak.

With one last swipe of green chakra over the boy's body, getting a pleased sigh out of him though he remains unconscious, Sakura comes to sit next to them.

Maybe sensing that she has no idea where to start, or too angry to wait, Nori is the first to speak.

 

“ You knew what he had, as soon as you laid eyes on him.” Her voice isn't furious, and her face is relaxed. The first option, then, and it's a deep relief to realize that, at least, isn't going to anger her new family.

Sakura nods, even though Nori didn't technically ask a question. “Yes, I did.”

 

Haku frowns, his hands wrapping unconsciously around Nori's. Sakura breathes the hurt in, knowing that she'll never be a part of their family the way they are a part of hers.

 

“ Is it dangerous? Do you know of a cure?”

“ It's not- Ishino isn't sick,” Sakura says, and she can see from the lack of surprise on Nori's face that she already knew that.

“ What? But then, why was he...”

“ It's the yūrei, isn't it?” Nori asks, her voice quiet and blank, mirroring her passive face.

 

Sakura looks away in shame. Inside her head, a shadow is clawing its way out of its cage.

 

“ What are you talking about?”

“ The yūrei is the Haruno's kekkei-genkai. I couldn't find any details on it in the scrolls you’ve had me read, but it's mentioned a few times.” Nori crosses her legs, her hands in her lap. “It's a state secret, isn't it? I found the daimyō's seal on one of the letters. It's the reason why you had to become Clan Head.”

 

Her back is bowing, years of secrets and lies weighting on her, with the knowledge that, this time, there is no one to take care of it for her. Before, there was an entire family in the clan, whose only job was to cover up for any slip up, who dealt with the Hokage Council and the daimyō's Court. Now... well, now that job is supposed to go to another family in her reborn clan, but she's the only one with the kekkei-genkai and she doesn't know if she can trust anyone with it.

_ I guess this will be the trial run _ , she tries to convince herself, before finally meeting Nori's eyes.

 

“ The yūrei is hereditary,” Sakura says, her voice barely above a whisper, “but not exclusively. In extremely rare cases, it has been known to be... passed on to other members of the clan. Our best guess is exposure, but to my knowledge it’s only happened four times.”

“ You mean Ishino is developing the Haruno kekkei-genkai?” Haku asks. “Isn't that a good thing? The more people who have it, the less chance there is of it disappearing.”

“ But it's not a good thing, though, is it?” Nori guesses, right again.

“ It's not a bad thing,” Sakura says. “No one in the clan would ever tell a child it's a bad thing. It does mean hiding and lying and always being careful. It's not an easy life. But I've led it since I was born, and none of the bad things that happened to me in my life had anything to do with the yūrei jutsu.”

 

Nori and Haku both turn to look at Ishino, now with rosy cheeks and breathing normally again. Sakura firmly reminds herself that nothing is wrong with her and that being the last one doesn't make her a freak or a monster. She hadn't felt the need to do that since she beat Ino in the chūnin exams, a lifetime ago.

 

“ What does it do? What is the yūrei jutsu?”

“ You need-” Sakura looks away, doing her best to school her features. “You need to remember that this is a  _ state secret _ . There is a reason for that.”

“ And this, Kyojin, is my son,” Nori says, pointing at Ishino. “I'll keep your secret to myself if I know for sure that Ishino isn't going to be in any more danger than he already is.”

 

Sakura closes her eyes. This is it. This is the time when she has to make a good decision, for her team and her village, but also the two civilians that she took in and convinced would have a sure place in her clan and somewhere to raise their child safely.

In barely a few minutes, she's managed to deprive them already of one of those things. Now is the moment to prove they made the right choice in putting their trust in her and that she won't disappoint them in any way, or drive them away. She couldn’t take that, not when she’s already lost so much.

 

“ The yūrei jutsu develops in two different ways. There's no way to predict which one a child will grow up to get; as far as the clan concluded, it's random. From what I can tell, what Ishino has is the kind I have, too.”

 

Sakura couldn't be sure as she was saying it, but judging by the instant relaxation in the couple's shoulders, that's a relief for them to hear. She can imagine why. Even if something strange and unexpected is happening to their child, at least they feel like Sakura knows what's going on and that she'll be able to protect Ishino to the best of her ability.

Given what she did in the war and the respect that follows her anywhere she goes where civilians are staying, they seem to think that the best of her ability is completely worthy of relaxing.

 

“ The first one is somewhat linked to our Uzumaki heritage. Our body is permanently coated in chakra mixed with pheromones. It means that, at will, we can alter the way people perceive us. I've seen my father erase himself from the memory of people who saw his face when he was in ANBU. Without going that far, he could easily make people see around him, like he wasn't worth paying attention to, so they simply didn't notice him.”

 

Nori has a focused look, like she can already understand the ways that could be useful to a shinobi, and even more to a spy. Haku is worrying his lower lip in a way Sakura is familiar with. All the Haruno members who had that side of the kekkei-genkai were so used to being ignored they frequently forgot that people of their clan were unaffected by the chakra coating and that they could actually interact with them.

Her father was a very shy man, who rarely talked, and always hunched in on himself like he was trying to make himself smaller. She'd only heard him talk to herself and her mother, and even those times were composed of sparse conversations and quiet words. It's as much a curse as it is a blessing, because it makes them into some of the best assets for the village, but also completely shapes their social relationships.

 

“ That one isn't the most secret side of the kekkei-genkai. I think a good chunk of the jōnin corps know about it, if only because they need to know that they have a teammate they're likely to forget if said teammate isn't being careful with the jutsu. Knowing about it reduces the chance of being affected, so the Haruno decided to make it a little more common knowledge in the Konoha force.”

 

Sakura scratches the back of her neck, memories of the way her father was treated coming back to her. She had always been thankful to have her side of the yūrei jutsu, if only because it didn't prevent her from making friends. With some more years behind her, she now longs for that other side. Her version of the kekkei-genkai is the worst one, and she can see that now.

 

“ Chichi was in ANBU from the day he made chūnin to his death. The Haruno who grow up to show that side of the kekkei-genkai almost automatically become ANBU or join the daimyō's guard, because they're amazing spies. Inside the clan, we call them yōkai yūrei.”

“ But you're not that, are you?” Nori asks, leaning against Haku for him to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

“ No. No, I'm not.” She looks away, taking a deep breath in before letting Naka through just the tiniest bit. Then she looks back at her clansmen. Haku's sharp intake of breath when looking at her eyes makes her flinch, but Nori's instant backing away has Sakura scrunching her eyes closed, a pained expression overtaking her now pale face.

“ I'm a warui yūrei,” she says, her voice soft, almost a whisper.

 

She knows the name is ugly. The Haruno didn't pick it. They used to be called bai yūrei, for the colour of their eyes when using it, but Sarutobi's administration started nicknaming them warui and it stuck, because the people in power are always listened to even when they're demeaning your entire identity.

Because she isn't looking their way, she misses the way Nori reaches for her, the way Haku follows, until there are two hands settling on her knees in comfort.

 

“ I'm sorry I reacted like that,” Nori says. “I wasn't expecting a dōjutsu, honestly. I promise it's not you and I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was afraid of you. I wasn't.”

“ Me neither, Kyojin,” Haku adds. “You have my word.”

 

Sakura breathes deeply, her heart warming a little bit at their show of care. Her spine straightens the slightest bit, feeling some of the confidence she fought so hard to gain these past few years coming back to her bowed back.

This time, when she releases a bit of Naka's presence, neither of them react in any way other than curiosity.

 

“ Your eyes look like pearls,” Haku says, leaning a little bit closer. “It's like you have a Byakugan, but a glowing one.”

Sakura smiles. “It has nothing to do with the Hyūga, I assure you.” She can feel the needles in her neck, her hair raising at her nape even though she's not cold at all. She lets go a little more, and Naka  _ screams _ in delight. Her hair floats around her head, and her two Byakugō seal start to glow as well.

“ Kyojin,” Nori whispers, her voice full of reverence.

“ You look like a goddess,” Haku says, his eyes not leaving her face for a minute.

 

Sakura lets Naka stretch her legs, until the yūrei is standing up, a titan in the plane of her mind. Then, with a last look of regret, Sakura seals her back into the confines of her head, until she's only a voice purring in thanks for the chance to see through Sakura's eyes for a moment.

Her eyes are back to green, her short hair obeying gravity again. Nori and Haku can't seem to take their eyes off of her.

 

“ That was Naka,” Sakura says, pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. “She's my ghost. My yūrei.” Haku seems to be burning with questions, but Sakura continues without pause, knowing it'll be faster and clearer that way.

 

“ Basically, there is someone else in my head, with different goals and dreams, a will of her own. Naka grew up the same rate I did, and she was raised just like me. When you notice that your child is a warui, you start raising two kids. My parents always treated Naka like she was my sister, but they let me name her. It's important for a yūrei pair to get along, so I got to choose her name and Naka has a say in the way we look, for example.”

 

Sakura ruffles her short hair, even shorter than she cut it in the chūnin exams, closer to Naruto's haircut than anything she's ever had before.

 

“ She picked the hair, after the war.”

“ It suits you,” Haku says, earnest, and Sakura smiles in thanks at his efforts to appear completely fine with the knowledge that she's two persons at once.

“ It suits you  _ both, _ ” Nori adds, looking at Sakura but not  _ quite _ , like she's trying to see Naka through Sakura's eyes.

 

Naka makes a noise of pleasure and curls up next to a tree, in a Fire Country forest she's chosen to live in at the moment, soothed by Nori and Haku's behaviour. Sakura caresses her hair, happy to see her contented.

 

“ It's not just having a second personality, or whatever Konoha Central's psychologists call this. It's like, everything I am is twice as much. So when I let Naka through, I'm naturally twice as strong, twice as smart, twice as fast. I get double the chakra reserve, I can spend twice as long without sleeping, drinking or eating because my stock is always for two people.”

“ That- that's incredible,” Haku says, awed. “This must be so useful when you're working in the fields or- or if you're a blacksmith or-” Haku is blinking fast, taking in all the possibilities for manual labour and how easy it would make even the hardest task.

 

Nori is silent. Sakura watches her, this woman who lived through a war, Sakura's  _ wife _ . In the few months they've all lived together in the Compound, she's noticed how smart Nori is and how quiet she stays because she's always thinking about one thing or another. Haku is almost childlike in comparison, easily excited and impressed by anything related to the shinobi force, with a shyness that reminds Sakura of her father.

She sees the moment Nori makes the connection, how her brows draw together, how she gnaws on the inside of her cheek in thought.

 

“ Why do they call you warui? That doesn't seem like an evil kekkei-genkai at all to me. And it definitely doesn't warrant a state secret.”

Sakura snorts, internally proud of Nori even if she's asking all the hard questions. “That's because this isn't the only thing the warui yūrei can do. It's possible, sometimes, for the yūrei to take over. It can happen if the Haruno is a child who's mistreated, or if they’re a shinobi who was caught and tortured. Most of the time it's always because the host is in danger, but sometimes if the yūrei feels threatened as well, it can trigger the reaction.”

 

Naka is rousing, something dark and displeased emanating from her entire body. Flashes of the chūnin exams, of the intrusion in her mind by Ino, make both Sakura and Naka flinch. More images, of the way Sasori almost ripped through her before Naka shoved her to the back of her own mind and twisted their body fast enough to avoid the spikes.

Then, the war, and the feeling of a hand going through her chest, ripping her muscles, her flesh, snapping her spine in half, and the way Naka had  _ screamed _ , shielding Sakura from the pain by taking over their body so she'd feel it instead.

 

“ A majority of the time, the yūrei goes back to the inside once they feel that the host isn't in danger anymore. But sometimes, if the host snaps...”

 

Sakura hunches her back, fighting her instinct to curl into a ball and hide in a corner.

 

“ One of my cousin was bullied at work, her co-workers and her boss treated her like shit all the time. One day she decided not to got to work, just to get a break for a few hours. Her husband didn't know what was happening to her, so he said she should go because she'd lose the job if she missed the day.” Sakura swallows, knowing that it almost never happens, but afraid all the same for Naka and herself. “When her yūrei let her take back control of her body, her husband and her nine-year-old daughter were dead.”

 

Sakura does her best not to take Nori and Haku's matching gasps personally, but knowing they're reacting to her very self, to what makes her a Haruno, and Haruno Sakura in particular, it's hard to stay impassive.

 

“ That's where the ‘warui’ comes from. The state secret and the reason why no one in the force is let in on the truth of the other side of the jutsu. There is a way to keep the connection stable. We need to... link? I'm not sure of a better word. Basically, we find someone and we align our chakra to theirs. Once that's done, we can use the chakra connection to focus, to calm down; it enhances even more all the perks we get from the yūrei jutsu the rest of the time.”

 

Naka purrs in delight, her eagerness and wanting at the idea of getting a link. She's been whispering about it in Sakura's mind ever since they understood that it was a possibility. Sakura could almost agree to it, if it weren't for the risk.

 

“ The downside is that if you connect, you expose yourself to thirty percent more chance of the yūrei going rogue at any moment. It won't even have to come from a threat, or abuse. The yūrei might just go crazy for absolutely no reason, and send you on a rampage until the host dies. And that's because you add in another factor, a third person whose safety gets in the way of the yūrei staying sane.”

 

Sakura has heard horror stories of all the attempts at bonding, of all the pairs who risked everything for a stronger connection and greater power, and ended up slaughtering entire platoons of their comrades, or their whole family.

 

“ It's a state secret because when we joined the village, Hashirama ordered all the Haruno shinobi to find someone to synch their chakra to. It's seemed a good idea at the time, so they all did. Two thirds of the Haruno died in the week following their bonding, and took at least one person with them. So the secret is as much to protect the Haruno from people who would insist they become stronger, as it is to protect Hashirama's memory from the backlash of causing the death of almost an entire clan.”

Nori's face is grim as she looks away. “I know the clan system isn't very popular in the civilian district. But this- this is genocide. It's disgusting.”

“ You see why they kept it a secret, then.”

 

For the first time since she met him, Haku looks angry. He's looking at his knees, his arms crossed. His long hair has spilled over his shoulders and frames his face in darkness.

 

“ You told us a clan is a small government, where you don't have to be Head to have a  say.”

 

Sakura nods, not seeing why it's relevant to the conversation but glad for the change of subject. Sakura's incredibly tense and Naka is pacing, not longing for a bond anymore but rather agitated the way her host is.

 

“ Then I ask for a vote. I want to expose what Hashirama did to us.”

 

Her face freezes. Haku included himself in the clan, a proof that his family is integrated and that he feels his place is with the Haruno. But more than that...

 

“ Haku, that's not a good idea. Sakura became Clan Head to prevent the secret of her kekkei-genkai from being public knowledge. You can't tell people what Hashirama did without explaining what the yūrei jutsu is.”

“ Would it be such a bad thing? If they know, they won't ever ask something so horrible of the Haruno. They'll be too afraid.”

“ I don't want people to be afraid!” Sakura snaps her mouth shut, regretting to have raised her voice when she sees the shock on Haku and Nori's face. “I don't want to scare them. Kids from the Haruno line will be bullied in class, Haruno shinobi in the force won't be trusted in the field. This is  _ exactly _ why it's a secret, Haku!”

 

He shrinks back, his face losing its angry colours for something more tame, more reasonable. Sakura is suddenly reminded of the absolute, disgusting terror she felt when she realized her kekkei-genkai might be exposed. She wasn’t joking when she said she would be executed. Fear is a powerful thing, and a scared mob is a beast of rage you can’t reason with.

They would have asked for her head, to finally wipe out the Haruno line and be sure there would be no threat of a Haruno going rogue every again. She couldn’t let that happen, and now she’s not the last Haruno with the jutsu anymore. It’s as scary as it’s exhilarating.

 

“ I'm sorry, Haku. I won't allow that. At the end of the day, I'm a caretaker of the Haruno before being a Head, and I don't believe it's what's best for the clan.”

 

Haku nods without a word, his eyes never meeting hers. Sakura bites back her next words, knowing she won't make it better. She's angry that she had to tell them about all this in these circumstances, and that she couldn't do it better, smoother.

 

“ What does it all mean for Ishino, then?” Nori asks after a long moment of silence.

Sakura cringes. “I'm going to have to help you. I know how to deal with someone's yūrei. It's just that... well, usually, the parents have a side of the kekkei-genkai so they know what to do.”

“ Would you help us raise him?” Nori asks, a bit scared but mostly eager.

“ Oh! Oh, I didn't think you'd let me, I was trying to find a way to say it without using the words.” Sakura smiles, relieved. “It's just, it's going to be easier for him if I'm not too far when he needs something.”

“ Good, I'm glad. Ishino loves you already, I don't think he's going to mind one bit if you're more involved in his life.”

 

Sakura glances at Ishino, still asleep but peaceful now. At least he's not going to be alone. She had such a happy childhood, and she wants to give the same thing to Ishino, who's the most delightful child she's ever had the pleasure to know, let alone live with.

 

“ You'll teach us, right?” Haku asks, his anger replaced with worry. “I mean, we can still raise Ishino?” It sounds more like a question than a statement.

“ Yes, of course! I'll tell you everything I know, and I'm sure there are a couple of scrolls left from the Records that can explain even better than I can. The basics is that you just got another child. You'll just have to ask Ishino who it is.”

 

Haku relaxes, nodding. Nori presses a kiss to his cheek, her expression full of confidence Sakura is hoping she's not faking.

 

“ Can we- is it possible to speak to your yūrei?”

 

Sakura sends a look of complete astonishment to Nori. The woman blushes Haruno red but doesn't back away from her question.

 

“ No one’s ever asked me that,” Sakura says softly. “My parents knew her, but since they died... and after the war, no one knew about her.”

 

She walks up to Naka, who's now sitting under the warm kotatsu in their old house in the first Haruno Compound. She sits down next to her, curling up to Naka's side.

 

“ You can talk to her, if you want. She can hear you. I'm not sure she can answer yet, though.”

“ Hello, Naka-san,” Nori salutes. “It's very nice to meet you. I'm sorry we ignored you until now. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask us.”

Haku nods in earnest, waving awkwardly in a way that has Naka howling with laughter.

“ She's very happy to meet you,” Sakura says, holding back a snicker.

 

Suddenly, a loud crash comes from behind the sliding door of Ishino's bedroom. Haku jumps in surprise, and Nori rushes to Ishino's side, shielding him with her body. Sakura gets to her feet in a second, her twin kunai in her hands.

She slides the door open, ready for anything that might be waiting for her on the other side. Instead, she raises an eyebrow, putting her kunai back in her weapon pouch. In front of her, Sasuke and Naruto are in a pile on the floor, Sai lying next to them.

 

“ Can I help you?”

 

The matching grimaces on her teammates' faces are her answer. She raises her second eyebrow, waiting for one of them to speak. Naruto grumbles something against Sasuke's shin.

 

“ What was that?”

“ I want to meet Naka too,” he says, pouting.

She sees red. “You assholes!” Sakura yells. “Did you listen in on everything?”

“ Yes?”

“ I can't believe this! This is so fucking disrespectful!” Haku and Nori appear at her side, pissed off as well. “I could have you court-martialed for this shit, you know that?”

“ You're not going to.”

“ Oh yeah, Sasuke? Like I wasn't going to after the war, yet you still spent months in a cell with no access to your eyes? Hum?”

“ That was you?!”

“ Hell yeah, that was me!”

“ I'm your teammate!”

“ Was I yours, though? I'm sorry, I must have forgotten. Attempts on my life tend to have that effect, asshole. You have a habit of trying to kill your teammates? Good to know, I'll keep that in mind.”

Sasuke looks away, as Naruto and him get up. “That was different.”

“ Oh, fuck you, you know it wasn't. It was fucking rude to listen in when you realized I was talking about something you all knew was a secret.”

 

Sakura slides the door to Ishino's bedroom closed behind herself, Haku and Nori staying inside with the boy.

 

“ Get out of my way.”

 

They silently step aside, letting her pass through the inner garden.

 

“ Oh, and Naruto? Naka says you're a dick and she doesn't like you.”

“ But-”

 

Sakura slams the bamboo door of her bedroom close behind her, Naka raging in her mind in offence. She's not even sure where her anger is rooted, if it's from the breach of privacy and trust or the comments Sasuke made after. In any case, she's not ready to let go of her anger, so they'll have to deal with it while she cools off. There's no way she's forgiving them if they don't admit they did something wrong.

She curls up on her futon and closes her eyes. Instead of thinking about the dickheads who pose as her teammates, she's going to spend some time with Naka. She hasn't done so in a while, and explaining everything to Haku and Nori has made her long for the relationship she used to have with Naka before her parents died. They did kick the butt of the Yamanaka kekkei-genkai, after all.


	5. Relationships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, thank you very much for last time's good wishes. You are having a tremendous effect on my happiness lately, and I'm very grateful. I hope you like this chapter as much as I do, it's one of my favourites. As always, I'm excited to hear what you think, so leave me a comment to tell me if you enjoyed it!
> 
> Japanese:  
> kenjitsu: steady, reliable  
> akarui: bright, light  
> wagasa: japanese umbrella

“You sure you don't mind?”

 

Nori studies herself in the mirror. Sakura had two formal kimono commissioned for the both of them. Normally, she would have worn her aunt's official one, and Nori would have worn one passed down by Sakura's mother. But with everything but the knowledge kept in Records lost in the war, the inheritance of the Haruno Clan has to be rebuilt from the ground up.

Nori's kimono is a pinkish red with thin, white stripes crossing the fabric vertically. The matching obi is embroidered with pure gold. It's a special order, with the Haruno traditional technique entrusted to the tailor who made the kimono. Sakura had to make him sign an insane amount of paperwork before handing him the scroll explaining how the special designs are made.

In striking rusty gold against the deep red of Nori’s obi, are thousands of tiny petals and cherry blossoms; a tribute to both Nori's Clan Head and the origins of the Haruno Clan.

In her brown, short hair, Sakura pinned a comb made of teak, with a waterfall of pearls going down the side of Nori's head. Even the fan she tucked into the obi was made for the occasion. Nori looks like a Lady straight from the daimyō's Court, and that was exactly the look Sakura was going for.

Her own kimono is Haruno red, without any pattern but for the white circle on her back. Her obi is in shades of ochers and reds with the same golden embroidery. She's wearing a comb as well, but the one her aunt gave Sakura when she received permission to use Naka in combat, in a ceremony as old as the Haruno Clan. Her hair has been growing lately, and it's brushing her shoulders.

Sakura is uncomfortable as hell in her heavy clothes and layers of rice powder. It's nothing close to what Nori must be feeling, though, so she looks at the woman in earnest, waiting for an answer.

 

“I agreed to all this when I married you. I knew my life would change entirely when I joined the clan. I just didn't expect it to involve so many expensive clothes.”

Sakura surprises herself with her own snort of laughter. “Trust me, that wasn't my favourite part either when I was just a regular member of the clan. Being Clan Head only makes it worse.”

“Who said I wasn't enjoying this?”

 

Sakura gives Nomi an incredulous look, but the woman is serious, studying herself in the mirror like she can't quite place what she's seeing.

 

“Alright, then. Shall we?”

 

With her hands tucked in her joined sleeves, Sakura waits until Nori hides her face behind her own long kimono sleeve. She is the Clan Lady, and as such, she isn’t supposed to show her face outside unless a helper is holding a wagasa to keep her in the shade. The weather isn’t appropriate for it and Sakura doesn’t have enough people in her clan to hire a helper anyway, so Nori hides her face like the rules want her to.

Sakura leads the way out of the room, hands protected inside her sleeves in a way that makes her mildly unbalanced. Once out of the main house, they find Team 7 waiting for them. They're all wearing formal kimono as well, in matching Haruno red, though Sasuke has the Uchiha fan on his sleeve. They all insisted on escorting them, and will join the evening with the other guests.

They haven’t talked about Naka. She is angry in a cold, furious way that leaves her bitter when no one is looking. That they could disregard how important a kekkei-genkai is, and listen in on something that, though she intended to share, was not theirs to hear at the time… she doesn’t know how to forgive that yet.

However, she still lives with them, and there is this ache deep inside her lungs whenever she thinks about not having them by her side. Her own contradicting thoughts are making this harder and more painful than she was expecting, and it’s getting increasingly challenging to not simply slam the door and ask for a mission far away from this mess she put herself in when she took the position.

Sakura is angry, hurt, distrustful, and she’s also afraid for her secret. She knows it’s unfounded, because as dumb as her teammates are, they do have a sense of how important the information is. She knows it’s not leaving the clan. But knowing doesn’t mean she doesn’t fear it still.

What she did, instead, was leaving Nori and Haku to talk with the newest members of the clan, to set up a daycare and weekly visits to the temple, as well as a clan-managed class for the children.

Sakura doesn’t trust the civilian school system, not since she had to personally oversee the teaching of Nori and Haku to make sure they knew _kanji_. She isn’t pushing any parent either to send their kids to the Academy just because she’s almost certain they would have a much better education. Education isn’t worth selling your life to the state if it’s not your calling.

Instead, she asked Kenjitsu to be the teacher. He’s a father of one, but his daughter is old enough to be an apprentice, and his wife, Akarui, is already working with Asami to become a seamstress as well. He’s also the only one who can read and count, and he knows a little bit of history. So she sent him to the library with her accreditation so he could borrow books and learn what he would teach in turn.

He’s already teaching Niji and Sanna, Asami’s two younger children, and the two kids of the other family, how to read. Sakura sees her clan building itself slowly but steadily, and she loves it. There are five Haruno in total learning with Asami and the rolls explaining the old techniques. That’s enough to build a small business again, and once the children know how to read, the basics of sewing will be integrated in their classes.

Once she knew Kenjitsu would do his job, she left all of the details and the rest of the planning to Nori and Haku, and focused on Ishino. She has to help him with the growing presence in the back of his mind, even if his yūrei hasn’t introduced themselves yet. That keeps her busy enough that she can quietly deal with her mixed feelings about her teammates without actively trying to rip their head off whenever they talk to her.

If their way of saying sorry is to become the official Haruno Guard, she can accept that. It’s a very real position, one that every clan has to implement to protect the Head family or whoever they deem at risk of being attacked. They do take it seriously, and she’s happy to see that.

Sasuke doesn’t look like he’s in any hurry to build his clan back up, thank the ancestors, and she has a feeling it’s half because he’s seeing the toll it’s taking on her and half because he has no idea what to do with the situation between Hinata, Naruto and him, all clan heirs in their own right and entitled to the mantle at one point. That’s one mess to sort out she’s glad she isn’t involved in. Her own messes are bad enough.

He read up on the position, just like Naruto and Sai did, and they went by the book when it comes to the way they have to dress, showing respect to the Clan Head as well as making it clear what kind of job they have to do tonight.

Like the old ways, the three of them have a katana hanging low from their hip, engraved with cherry blossoms on dark wood. Sakura is breathless, seeing in them her cousins who always escorted her aunt and her uncle to every official event. Guards from another time, decades of history honoured with ceremony and codified gestures. She can't find words, so she simply starts walking.

Sakura can feel eyes on them as they cross the few metres separating them from the Aburame lands. They're hosting the event, with theirs being the only compound bigger than the Nara’s. For the first time since the war, people are seeing Haruno-sama, Head of the Haruno Clan. She's very aware of how impressive they look, how charismatic her escort is, especially because Naruto and Sasuke are showing deference and following her lead.

Her and Nori's kimono are so intricate that Sakura still has a hard time looking away from the mesmerizing fabric and embroidery. They're a sight, she knows that. That's precisely what she was aiming for. She needs to show that she's serious about making her clan something respectable, and providing for the new Haruno members.

Aburame guards open the doors of the compound, Sai walking behind them with Naruto and Sasuke flanking the two women. They're led to the main house, slightly smaller than the Haruno mansion because she learned from the books she's reading that the Aburame only house the Head family in the main house, as opposed to her clan’s tradition of the mansion being home to the Head family, all the helpers and close allies.

She has her team for that, but she knows that her aunt had a team of kunoichi from Iwa who switched sides during the Third War and protected the clan, before becoming her husband’s and hers best friends. So the Haruno mansion has to be really big, just to prevent stepping on too many toes when you need peace. In comparison, the Aburame’s main house looks more like a family home.

Waiting for them outside the mansion is Shino, in a magnificent dark blue and brown kimono with bronze embroidery of shimmering beetles that he actually commissioned from the same tailor, paying a fee to the Haruno Clan so that he could get it done with their technique.

That’s what Sakura is aiming for in the future; getting the Haruno tailors back on the market of everyday clothing and traditional kimono, on top of their contract with the government to provide the uniforms using their fūinjutsu techniques.

Shino’s kimono is a sky at dusk, the blue so rich and the bronze beetles so shining. It looks stunning on him, the nice, olive colour complementing his golden skin. What really gets to Sakura, though, is to see her clan's craftsmanship worn with so obvious pride and respect.

 

“Haruno-sama,” Shino says, bowing low. “My Lady,” he goes on, a more shallow bow for Nori.

“Aburame-sama, thank you for having us,” Sakura bows as well, swallowing around the awkwardness of having one of her oldest friends address her in such a formal way.

“It is my pleasure. Please follow Jin inside. I will be joining you shortly.”

 

Nori is following protocol to the letter, not looking Shino in the eye and not responding to him. Only once Sakura takes one of her hands out from her sleeves to grab her fan and hide her face with it does Nori lower her own sleeve to reveal her face and bow to Shino. In turn, he isn't looking at her either like Sakura would do if Shino had his Lady or Lord with him.

It used to be that assassination attempts were so common that Clan Heads at taken to avoid looking at others’ husbands and wives. It was a way to prove you weren’t going to attack, since they would see you coming as you would need to look at them to aim. Now it’s just a form of respect, the same way only a Clan Head can look another Clan Head in the eyes. Sakura turns around, the warm reassurance of familiarity in the protocol, to follow the man who just appeared to lead them inside.

Nori has been more than adamant about learning as much as possible concerning protocol and tradition, unwilling to embarrass Sakura. She had been quite surprised, then amused, to realize that Sakura knew about as much as herself, and both of them learned together. After a few days of feeling utterly ridiculous and not making much progress, Sakura had asked Hinata for help.

Being the only Noble Clan heir Sakura felt comfortable bothering for issues of decorum, she had been an obvious choice. Her instant fondness for Haku and Ishino had only made asking her more of a good decision in Sakura and Nori's eyes. Hinata not only brought knowledge to their home, but also great distraction for the new Haruno who didn't dare go out of the compound much and were eager to hear about another clan's perspective.

Sakura had seen it do wonders for Hinata's shyness as well. With Neji barely out of his coma and Hinata’s new duties having reduced the frequency of her visits to his side now that he was recovering, the heiress hasn't been out much.

Hanabi- well. The war, her father's attitude, her cousin's coma, everything, really... Hanabi broke. One day, she simply left. With a note for her family and merely a bag missing from her room, she left and hasn't come back in the year since the war ended.

Hinata is alone, facing both her father's bitterness and the loneliness of her heiress status, with an aging Clan Head who stubbornly refuses to pass on the mantle. Seeing her have fun with Ishino's endless questions, not a trace of his unwell state left on his excited face, warms Sakura to the core.

Thanks to her help, both Sakura and Nori are effortlessly blending amongst those who've been clan their whole life, knowing which words to pick and which smiles to show. It's exhilarating in a way, how they're accepted on account of Sakura's role in the war. She's certain no one would be treating her and Nori with the same amount of respect if Sakura wasn't single-handedly responsible for saving half of Konoha's population.

The Aburame she's not counting, because since Shino's offer to hide her, as badly concealed as it was, she knows how far they're willing to go for her and she doesn't care for what reason. She's just glad to know that she has allies in her corner who are ready to step in, without ever having to look up to ask. Shino's peaceful face through the evening is enough to know that she won't ever need to prove she's worth helping.

 

“Kyojin,” Nori whispers, smoothly coming closer to Sakura.

Sakura smiles to Ino, at the other end of the room, and doesn't look at Nori when she answers. “Are you doing ok?”

“There's a woman, red hair and light grey kimono. She's been staring at me the whole night.”

 

Sakura frowns, quietly displeased. This is Nori's first of many outings, and probably one of the only times she'll have Sakura by her side. Her role in the clan means she's most likely to be doing all the social stuff. Haku had put it as 'making nice with the enemy' and he's not that far off in some cases.

She refuses to see it turned into an unpleasant experience when Nori had seem so excited all night – good for her, because Sakura is _dying_ to get away. But Sakura was never born to do this, her cousin being the Haruno heir before the war, and Nori loves it. It's the perfect solution.

Sakura discreetly looks around the room, trying to pinpoint exactly who's making Nori uncomfortable. She doesn't have to look long; she spots instantly the eyes drilling a hole into Nori's back. She's not even trying to be discreet, even though she looks away when she notices Sakura's raised eyebrows.

 

“Karin,” Sakura smiles, sharp teeth and wariness making her hands twitch. “Come here, let me introduce you.”

 

Nori hides her surprise well and because she's of higher rank than Karin, she looks her right in the eye. It's an easy guess to make, since Sakura already introduced her to everyone she needs to be aware of in the room, for later mundane evenings she'll be tackling.

 

“Uzumaki Karin, this is my wife, Nori, Lady of the Haruno Clan.”

 

Karin bows, but her back is stiff and her face carefully blank.

 

“Nori, this is Karin of the Uzumaki Clan.”

“Are you related to Naruto?” Nori asks, polite and curious in her usual way.

“He's my cousin,” Karin says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, that's lovely. I know he's sad not to have a clan anymore, but he has you, doesn't he?”

 

Sakura looks sharply at Nori, wondering what her game is. Naruto never mentioned something like that to either of them, and it's incredibly likely to piss Karin off. But she's actually curious to see where it's going and she's not going to stop Nori from doing what she thinks is best. They're partners, after all. She can intervene later if she deems it necessary.

 

“He sure does,” Karin replies, venom and bitterness pouring from her lips. Sakura wisely keeps her mouth shut. Nori is looking more innocent by the minute.

“I'm so happy for you both. Sakura-chan told me a lot about the history of the Haruno and how they used to be Uzumaki. So, in a way, we're cousins too!”

 

Now it's getting plain weird. Sakura has _never_ heard Nori call her anything that affectionate, and that includes simply using her first name (something both Nori and Haku seem to be allergic to). She's opening her mouth to stop this wreck before it goes too far, but she can only watch, mesmerized, as Karin loses about fifteen shades.

 

“Listen to me, I don't know what your problem with me is, but you can stop with the act, it's not working. Now get the fuck out of my face.”

Nori's smile turns sly. “I'll do that when you tell me the reason why you were staring at me all night.”

“Because I don't get it! I don't get it, ok?”

 

Karin is panting and people are starting to notice, so Sakura grabs her wrist and drags her in the next room fast enough that Karin doesn't have time to react.

 

“What's going on, Karin?” Sakura asks, almost soft, but not enough to piss her off more.

“Why did you pick her? Are you too good for us, uh? Do you think she's the only one who wants a cla-”

 

Her mouth snaps shut and she looks away. Her cheeks are flushed and her brows furrowed.

“Are you asking what I think you are?”

“Shut up.”

“Karin, you're an Uzumaki.”

“Yeah?” the rage is back in her voice. “And what good is it doing me? I don't have a home and my name means nothing because I don't have papers!”

“How's that possible?”

Karin snorts. “Have you seen who my Clan Head is? Or lack thereof? Because let me tell you, he has never claimed the Proof of Formation, has never cared to recognize me officially or to make sure I’d have a place to live on clan land. Ha, what clan land? Trust me, I asked the office.”

Sakura just stares, honestly flabbergasted. That's- she would never have imagined Naruto could be so-

But then, how could he be anything else? He was never raised in a clan, he knows nothing about how it works. Even Sasuke is more knowledgeable from the few years he spent living with the Uchiha. It makes sense, in a way, that he would have no idea he's supposed to recognize his clansmen. But at the same time, Sakura herself has been doing all of that for months now, and Naruto has been there all along, watching her from afar. How did he never connect the dots?

  
“Have you talked to Naruto about it?”

“What for? He's all too eager to give up his name for Sasuke-kun, or the Hyūga heiress, who even knows these days. There’s not a cell of Clan Head in his body and he doesn’t give a fuck about what happens to me.”  
  
Sakura sighs, barely resisting the urge to hide her face in her hands. Lucky for her make-up. Here she thought the evening would be a good way for her to make peace with her team, and there she is, getting worked up for a boy who has no idea what he’s done wrong. Except that isn’t actually an excuse, and Sakura is getting sick and tired of their fuck ups.  
  
“Karin, let me get this straight. Are you formally asking me to adopt you?”

Her red eyes are defiant and her chin is high. Sakura likes it. “And what if I was?”  
  
Nori is brushing Sakura's hip with her hand, maybe an unconscious gesture, but it does get her attention. She studies her wife's face, noting the proud glint in her eyes and the sliver of interest in her smile. Well then. The Haruno and Uzumaki are related after all, and Karin’s knowledge of fūinjutsu can only benefit the clan.

  
“Then I'd offer you to come and submit yourself to a clan vote tomorrow.”

“Are you serious?”  
  
Sakura's hand comes to rest on Karin's shoulder, and she hopes it's not unwelcome. When Karin doesn't flinch away, she carefully presses the flesh of her fingers into the fabric of the grey kimono.

“I wouldn't joke about that. But you need to be sure, because you're not getting back the Uzumaki name if you decide to join.”

“I don't care,” Karin rushes to say, almost panicked now. “They never did anything for my mother, and they sure never did anything for me.”

“Then you're more than welcome, Karin-san,” Nori smiles, back to gentle, like Sakura remembers in that cherished memory of the civilian bar, all those months ago.

 

There's wetness in Karin's blood-red eyes, but neither Haruno mention it, and they simply let her dry them before speaking again.

 

“You should tell Naruto, though. I think he has a right to know you want to leave, but more than that, he needs to understand what he's missing and what he's doing wrong. In the case he does want to revive his clan, he'll at least need a Proof of Formation. And I don't want to get ahead of myself but I think you were the only Uzumaki left besides him, so he'll have to figure that out if you become a Haruno. After all, you can't be a clan of one.”  
  
Sakura's smile is dry, the lesson a painful one she had to learn in one very stressful afternoon. Nori's hand brushes against hers and she relaxes slightly, trying to appear composed and calm in front of Karin.

“Do you want to go back to the party?”

Karin shakes her head. “No. I was only there because they invited me. I think Shino knows we're not an actual clan but he still invites me every time there's a gathering. I don't know what Naruto is thinking, not showing up.”

“Maybe that he's not truly a Clan Head. Or maybe he just gets lost in Sasuke's angst and he forgets to come out to check his mail.”

  
  
That gets a surprised laugh out of Karin and Naka cheers inside of her head, exchanging a high five with a privately excited Sakura.

  
  
“Alright, then you can come tomorrow afternoon, and we'll have an answer for you.”

“I wouldn't worry,” Nori adds. “You most certainly have my vote.”

“Are you allowed to tell me that?” Karin asks with raised eyebrows.

“Oh Kami, what did I do? Please, Karin-san, don't tell my Clan Head!”

Karin snorts in laughter, her grin bright and large in a way that's a carbon-copy of Naruto's. “Alright, fine, I get it. I'm out of here. See you tomorrow?” she asks more than says.

“See you tomorrow, Karin.”

  
  
With a giddy wave of her hand that seems to surprise her as much as it does Sakura, Karin leaves the room and disappears in the crowd of people. Sakura knows she won't see her again before the next day.

 

“She used to be Sasuke-san's teammate, didn't she?”

“Yeah,” Sakura sighs. “I think- I think she might have been jealous of me, at one point. I don't know why, frankly I think she spent more time with him than I did, but who knows. Maybe she was looking for something else and settled on wanting what I once had.”

 

Nori nods, thoughtful. They stay in place for a few minutes, not talking, both lost in thoughts of what just happened.

 

“Sakura?”

 

She turns around at Hinata's voice, sending a sweet smile to the girl. The time she spent at the Haruno Compound really did her good. Sakura has never before seen her wear anything other than lilac and white, or pastel colours in flowing fabrics. Now she's clad in a bold forest green and gold kimono, her hair up with the Hyūga flame pinned in her bun. The orange looks like it's burning against her dark hair.

 

“We're coming, Hinata.”

“Oh, no, that's not it. I mean- you're free to do what you want of course, I wouldn't dare to interrupt-”

“Hinata,” Sakura stops her gently. Alright, maybe she still needs to spend a bit more time with them.

“Yes. Hum, a courier just got here, the Hokage wants to see you.”

 

Sakura raises her eyebrows, puzzled. Tsunade is well aware that this is a very important night for her clan, Sakura told her, and even if she hadn't, Tsunade's job is to know these things. But it makes the request even more worrying that she would ask for Sakura to come despite the circumstances.

 

“Will you be alright on your own?” she asks Nori.

“Yes, of course, go. This is my job, now you do yours.”

 

Sakura nods gratefully, brushing Hinata's shoulder in goodbye as she walks by. In the main room, she quickly finds Shino and exchanges a couple of platitudes, just enough to make him understand it's Hokage business and she'll talk to him later. This kind of evening isn't made to talk shop, so to speak. The shinobi work doesn't have its place surrounded by silken kimono and jewellery.

She shunshins to the tower, knowing her outfit can take it – it was embroidered with the same seals used on the shinobi uniform and is, by virtue of the Haruno technique, almost indestructible. Tsunade merely raises her head when she appears in the office, already handing her a file.

 

“You're going on a mission.”

 

Sakura sits down carefully, mindful of the many folds of her kimono. She opens the file, looking at the handful of papers inside.

 

“That's- not a lot of intel.”

“It's because this is an Intelligence mission. I'm sending you with a team of Black Ops and two T&I. You're the decoy. As the new Head of the Haruno Clan, you want to establish trade deals with the merchants in Suna.”

Sakura frowns. “I thought Gaara had taken care of the corruption in the civilian Court of Law?”

“Clever girl. You're here to give access to the building to the Black Ops. They'll capture the magistrate and the T&I are there to make him talk.”

“Why are we interfering in Gaara's business?”

“He's the one paying us. He just doesn't want people to know that. No one in your team will be wearing Konoha symbols, neutrality authorized by the Kazekage in case you get caught. Which you _won't_. This is serious shit, Sakura.”

She nods firmly. “Roger, shishō.”

“Good. I believe in you. And while you're there, try to actually broker some kind of deal for your clan, it can't hurt. They're the biggest manufacturers of linen and you'll need that if the Haruno snatch the next contract with the shinobi force to make the new uniforms.”

She sends a surprised look to Tsunade. “You're changing the uniform?”

“I'm not. You are. Send me that lovely wife of yours, we'll need to talk.”

Sakura smiles, broad and proud. “You won't be disappointed.”

“I know, my crazy apprentice. I know.” Her smile is just as proud, if sweeter. “You're leaving in ten hours, and you're bringing an escort to make it believable. That's your cover story. Your team will meet you at night. The Kazekage, being a known friend of yours, is kindly housing you during your trip.”

Sakura shudders, excitement making her skin tingle. “Damn, I love this almost as much as punching mountains.”

 

Tsunade looks at her, long and hard, her gaze unwavering for minutes before her face sets into something fierce and feral.

 

“I raised you well,” she states, blood tainting her words in a way she doesn't show anyone besides Sakura.

“You took me in when I lost my parents,” Sakura says, jaw set and eyes like pyres “and you shaped me into something relentless and unbreakable.”

 

Sakura rises, her kimono blood red and shining gold. Her hand goes to her forehead, then to her heart. She bows, Kyojin in every fibre of her body, her love and respect for this woman whom she owes so much making her blood boil. When she stands straight again, her eyes are glowing pure white and her hair is crackling with untamed energy.

 

“We will _always_ be loyal to you, shishō.” Naka and Sakura speak in tune, furious love in the back of their throat. Tsunade's eyes are shining and she gives a sharp nod, not daring to speak. Sakura settles Naka back inside her head and leaves the room, the file pressed in her fist.

 

She goes back to the party, to get Nori and explain everything because she'll need to know about the new deal they might get from Suna. Nori's face when Sakura tells her they'll be in charge of the new uniform is something she'll cherish until her death. They go back to the compound, Naruto, Sasuke and Sai following behind.

Sakura is discreetly studying Naruto and Sasuke: the way their elbows seem to always brush against the other's, how their eyes meet and separate before meeting again, in a strange dance. She wants to speak, to tell them to take this chance and never let go, to embrace it for as long as they can.

But then she thinks about Hinata's free smile and the way her shoulders have straightened in the past few months. She hears her laugh, running after Ishino like the world isn't weighing on her shoulders anymore, and she aches to break Naruto and Sasuke apart and give the best pieces to Hinata’s soft hands.

She vows to confront all of them and see if there's any way she can help them figure out whatever is unfolding behind secret smiles and careful caresses. In the meantime, she slows until her steps synch with Sai's and she links her arm with his.

 

“Did you have fun tonight, Sai?”

“I'm not sure. Everyone was lying, it was interesting to watch. I'm not sure I liked it. I think- I think you made me used to honesty, and now it's like I'm sucking on a bitter almond when I watch them.”

Sakura gives him a dry look. “You mean, like when Naruto, Sasuke and you listened in on clan secrets? I totally get what you mean. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? Makes you want to shift on your feet like an impatient toddler.”

Sai looks at her with rosy cheeks, and shifts on his feet like an impatient toddler. “I’m sorry, Sakura. You took me in, and cared for me, and I didn’t respect that. It was wrong of me to do so.”

She nods. “Yes, it was. At least you know what you did, and you’re apologizing. Not everyone has the bravery to do so,” she isn’t speaking loudly, but Sasuke and Naruto both stiffen from where they’re walking ahead. “I’m hurt, and I know I can’t trust you anymore. My life I would entrust to your hands every day, but not my clan. Not my family. You lost that right when you didn’t wait for me to talk to you about the yūrei.”

 

Sakura sighs, scrunching up her nose in thoughts. She’s trying to word this in a way that both conveys her feelings and can actually teach Sai something. It’s not easy. It’s asking her a lot of objectivety on a very personal matter.

 

“Our quarters are now sealed off to you. If something happens, there are measures in place to let you in, but none of you are free to roam the mansion like you were before; you must have noticed that.” Sai nods, a gutted look on a face he doesn’t control well yet. “That isn’t going away,” she says. Or lies, moreso. It will go away eventually, when she feels a little less like an arm is going through her chest every time she looks at Sasuke, expecting a betrayal or a genjutsu, when she feels a little more like she matters to Naruto outside of a mother figure in his unstable emotional life.

“I know. I’m just unhappy I caused this. Sad? Disappointed, I’m not sure. Something like that, I don’t know precisely,” Sai says, a bit uncomfortable.

 

She squeezes his arm in hers, pressing her side against his. Naka is poking at the edge of her mind curiously, looking at Sai with her head slightly tilted. In surprise, Sakura stops walking. Sai doesn't even ask and simply follows her lead, trusting her in a way that makes Naka purr and Sakura breathe slowly. Naka hasn't shown that much interest in someone outside of the clan since she befriended Ino all those years ago.

Nori, who had just started a conversation with Naruto, signals him and Sasuke to stop, pointing at Sakura and Sai now far behind them. They stop as well, but don't come any closer. Sakura can't concentrate enough to wonder why. Naka is actively trying to come forward, again something she hasn't done since she helped Sakura against Sasori.

It's such a strange feeling, such a rare one as well, that Sakura is left unsettled. She stares at Sai's face, her mouth slightly open. She doesn't know what he sees when he looks back at her, but it makes him stay put and silent.

Naka stomps her feet on the ground, a titan again in the vast rice fields surrounding her gigantic silhouette. The earth rumbles, shaking under the unmeasurable strength of her will to come out. Sakura gives in easily. She takes one step back, then another, before sitting down in the grass, looking at Naka's back as she steps forward.

 

“Hello,” Naka says, her shoulders relaxing. She slowly untangles her arm from Sai’s and stares at her hands, turning them and studying them like a teaching scroll full of knowledge.

“Hello,” she says again, this time looking at Sai. She cups his face with her hands, her eyes searching inside of his for something she can't quite place. His skin is soft under her thumbs, as she strokes gently across his jaw.

“Hi,” Sai answers, barely a whisper, not daring to move. “Are you Naka?” he asks, saying her name like a prayer to Amaterasu, reverent and quiet.

“Hello,” she repeats. “I am Naka,” and how good it feels to say it out loud, to feel Sakura's comfort brushing against the back of her mind.

 

She looks to the side, and isn't it so strange to be able to _see_ those people, the people she watched growing up and growing apart before coming back together. Naruto and Sasuke are coming closer, slowly, like they're approaching a wild animal. They're not so wrong, in a way, but they don't know that Sakura is the wild one. Naka was always there to keep her in check.

Her smile is on the edge of manic, a display of emotions she doesn't know how to keep back yet. It feels so good. Sakura nuzzles against the side of her neck before going even deeper inside their shared mind, letting Naka do what she pleases.

 

“Uchiha Sa-su-ke,” she says, tasting the word, how it rolls on her tongue. “Sasuke. Sasuke-kun.”

 

His cheeks are pink. She likes it, so she pokes at his cheekbone with her finger. “Sasuke,” she says again, finding that she likes how it curls inside her mouth.

Naruto shifts on his feet. Naka does a complete turn of her body, chest and hips facing him, like a predator zooming in on its prey.

 

“Dick.” Her voice is grinning. She likes it. She likes Naruto's offended and guilty face almost as much. “Naruto. Na-ru-to.” His name tastes better than Sasuke's. Maybe because Sakura said it more, with warmer feelings behind it.

In Naka's mind, he's always been _The Precious One_ , the best friend, the shadow and the light, the warm place in Sakura's heart. He's a bit of sunshine that manages to reach even the darkest corners of their mind, where it smells like dust and death and the ashes in the urns Sakura collected three days after her thirteenth birthday.

 

“Is Sakura-chan alright?” he asks. Naka tilts her head. Is she? Sakura's reassurance against her hair is enough.

“We're fine. I wanted to meet you.”

“It's very nice to meet you, Naka,” Sai says, his fingers curling around the edge of her kimono, before he retracts his hand. She catches it, studying it, before deciding that she's going to keep it in hers. It's warm.


	6. The Haruno brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late!! This chapter kept getting modifications, up until even this morning where I removed a few pages to put them into chapter 7. I didn't want to publish something I wasn't fully satisfied with, hence the wait. I hope you'll like it, I'm very proud of it now!
> 
> A lot of love for mouseymightymarvellous, as always, go check out her works and poetry on tumblr!
> 
> A big thank you to those of you who came to the stream, I'm sorry it didn't work out, I still don't understand what happened. Let me know what you think of this chapter, I love you all ♥

Sakura looks down at the note in her hand. An hour ago, she would have scoffed at anyone telling her she didn't know Konoha’s streets as well as she thought she did. Right now... well. She's lost. That's a fact she can't deny. The instructions were clear enough, but she used the rooftops, hoping it would save her some time, and she’s only managed to spin in circles while trying to get back to the map markers Lee gave her.

She's excited like a child at the idea of seeing his home. She doesn't even know if his family is a clan, if there's anyone left for her to meet or if he's amongst the hundreds of orphans the Third War and the Kyūbi left in their wake. Not that she wishes that upon him, but— well, she has to be realistic. There are more people who lost someone in the tragedies Konoha brought upon itself than families unscathed.

Her pouch is weighing heavy on her hip, full of medication and equipment for Neji. She doesn't know what exactly happened in the Hyūga Compound, but Neji got into an argument with his uncle, and it ultimately led to him leaving his clan house. Hinata had to help him all the way to Lee's home, which Sakura can see isn't an easy place to find, leaving everything he held dear behind.

She doesn't know if he left anyone behind in the Compound, though, aside from his cousins. Given how little the Hyūga defended him all these years, she would understand if he held some bitterness for his clan.

Finally, she recognizes the little restaurant Lee indicated in his note and, after turning right two times, she finds the house. It’s a traditional home, with an elevated bamboo floor, sliding rice-paper doors and a curved roof. It looks, in many ways, just like her own house in the Haruno Compound. That style is mostly specific to Konoha, so it’s not that surprising to find similar architecture choices.

She zig-zags through the traps until she enters a small prayer garden with a stream passing through and a little bridge going over with sakura trees planted along a stone path. It’s absolutely beautiful, and Sakura is immediately enamoured with the place. She leaves her shoes on the first step leading to the elevated floor, and lightly touches the seal on the door, sending a pulse of chakra through the network of seals surrounding the house.

Having now warned that she just arrived, she slides the door open and enters the house. Her socks don’t make a single noise on the wooden floor, so polished it’s almost slippery. She doesn’t have to wait long before Lee appears in front of her.

 

“Good morning, Lee,” she laughs at his excited face.

“Sakura-san! Welcome to our home. Please follow me, I can offer you tea.”

 

She nods, accepting the well-mannered invitation with grace. He seems to respect traditions, given that he stops at every sliding door to kneel before opening it, then kneels again to close it. She remembers seeing her uncle do that whenever her aunt was about to enter or leave a room.

It’s a very respectful, polite, and a bit old-fashioned thing to do, but she finds it strangely endearing when Lee pairs it with his barely contained rushed excitement. He’s almost vibrating every time he has to stop to kneel and slide the doors open.

They get to the main kotatsu room, and Sakura has to grin when she spots Neji waiting for them. He’s kneeling under the blanket of the kotatsu, a shawl on his shoulders, sipping a cup of tea. He’s too pale and on the wrong side of emaciated, his cheeks a bit too gaunt for comfort. There are small circles under his eyes, nothing too worrying but she’d bet it’s the pain that’s preventing him from sleeping.

All in all, he doesn’t look so good, but it’s nothing so bad that she’d need to jump to his side and care for him immediately. He looks up when Lee slides the door open, and his relaxed smile is a sight to see. He seems so much happier than he was when she visited him in the Hyūga Compound.

 

“Haruno-sensei, it’s good to see you.” She rolls her eyes at the title. It’s still technically true, because she’s a doctor and a medic, but if he was so adamant as to use titles, he should address her as a Clan Head.

“Haruno is fine, Neji. Sakura, even, I don’t care.”

He nods. “As you wish. Would you like some tea?”

 

She sits down opposite from him, Lee sliding underneath the blanket like a dancer. Her admiration for his taijutsu is a driving force to improve hers, though her days of struggling are long behind her. Since training with Tsunade, taijutsu is her main fighting style, and it’s one more thing that helps her find kinship in Lee after all these years.

She jumps out of her skin when Lee’s fingers wrap around her wrist, but his peaceful expression meets her wild eyes and she unconsciously follows his deep breath once, before relaxing. The feeling is back. She hasn’t seen Lee since her last visit to the hospital, as he wasn’t allowed in the Hyuga Compound when she was taking care of Neji (which, she suspects, is one more reason why Neji fought with his uncle and left the clan lands).

Sakura should have guessed that he would remember her disproportionate reaction to his touch that day. She’s ashamed to realize it hasn’t gotten better. If anything, it’s worst. No one touches her, ever, in the Haruno Compound. Or if they do, it’s by complete accident and it doesn’t even last a second. No one touches her.

So, of course, when his strong fingers, with calluses and rough skin, touch her overly sensitive skin it takes away all her focus. She struggles to swallow, most of her cognitive abilities entirely devoted to that small expanse of skin she’s sharing with another person, to another’s warmth, to a touch that isn’t meant to hurt.

Almost guiltily she looks up, finding Neji staring at them with an inscrutable expression. But then Lee’s thumb starts caressing her palm and his fingers press into the meat of her forearm, right on top of a nerve and two chakra pathways, and she gasps silently.

A cup of tea slides on top of the table, and her shaking other hand reaches for it. Fast as lightning, Neji’s hand flashes forward, grabbing her remaining hand. It’s almost too much. Sakura’s breath is caught in her throat, and she can’t remember how to—

 

“Breathe.”

She obeys instinctively, taking one shaky breath. “Again.” She does as Neji says. Slowly, she comes back to herself, to that body she’s so disconnected from, apart from the two points of contact on her right wrist and left palm.

“How long has this been going on?”

She doesn’t pretend not to understand. “It started when I fought Sasori. The poison was hard on my nerves, and for weeks I couldn’t let anyone touch me without the pain getting excruciating. My family stopped touching me, and my team wasn’t that tactile in the first place so it wasn’t a huge demand to ask them to stop.”

 

Lee’s thumb is distracting. She’s glad she’s sitting down, because her legs aren’t even supporting her  _ kneeling _ underneath a kotatsu blanket.

 

“Then the war happened and there was no reason to change habits, so it got worse.”

She tracks Neji’s throat as he swallows, her brain muddled by endorphins. “You mean no one touched you since the joint mission to save Gaara we did together?” He sounds mortified, though he keeps most of the Hyūga impassible expression on his face.

 

Sakura shrugs, the movement somehow shortened by her captured hands.

 

“Nothing substantial, maybe a shoulder clap here and there.”

 

In a comical gesture, probably born of years in a team together, Lee and Neji shudder at the exact same time. She smiles, feeling so much better now that the rush has passed and the good stuff is spreading from her brain through her limbs, making her feel half-high.

 

“I should get to work,” she says, not moving an inch. “There’s a lot I need to check, especially your calorie intake.”

 

Neji lets go of her hand, and she retracts it like she’s been burned, feeling a rush of guilt punching her in the gut. Of course he’s letting her go, she’s a grown-ass woman with her own clan, she doesn’t need to be touched like a needy child.

Except that Lee’s arms are suddenly wrapped around her and it’s the best thing that’s happened to her in five years. A keening sound is ripped from her throat, out of her control, too quiet to be anything but a pitiful, quiet noise of pain.

Lee’s voice is a stream of soothing murmurs, soaking into her heart in a way she would have sworn to have forgotten. She breathes, deep into his shoulder, her eyes closing almost unconsciously. His hands are everywhere at once, touching her back, her hips, the back of her neck, every inch of her he can reach until she’s almost dizzy with belonging. It’s the hospital, but ten times stronger.

No one is talking, and the silence is comfortable. So, for just this moment, Sakura keeps her eyes close, and she lives.

 

 

 

“Alright, you should be fine. If you stick to that diet, you’ll put on some weight without feeling like you’re eating much, so that should help with the nausea.”

 

Neji puts his shirt back on, nodding as she speaks, his eyes scanning the list she’s given him. He makes a face at some of the dishes she put down, but he doesn’t protest, which is more than she expected given his track record when it comes to voicing his opposition.

 

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Lee asks from the other room, before bringing in a plate of mochi, still steaming.

“Thank you for the offer, but I’m leaving. I’m going to be late.”

“You have a mission?”

She smirks, knowing she can’t say what she’s doing. “I’m… doing some work to improve inter-Alliance relations.”

Lee’s eyes light up. He caught her allusion. “Good luck then, Sakura-san! And come back soon, we’d love to have you here again. Tenten might be available next time!”

 

Sakura smiles, nodding in thanks. She waves, a quiet melancholy settling in her heart at the idea of leaving this house, and how safe and welcome she feels here. But she has a mission, and her clan is counting on her as well. It’s time to go.

 

  
  


Sakura finishes wrapping the bandages around her left arm, before tying them into a knot. In the back of her mind, Naka is sleeping. She's been asleep for hours, longer than she's ever been before. Sakura guesses that's what she needs after spending almost an hour in the others' company without it being for a fight. Without the usual supply of chakra and adrenaline used by the yūrei jutsu, it has left Naka exhausted, and she's slowly getting that energy back.

Meanwhile, Sakura is almost done preparing for the mission. She is wearing a travel yukata, short and practical, over dark leggings. She hopes it does a good enough job at making her seem less threatening, even if this undercover work actually has her posing as herself. It's always better when people underestimate her.

Once everything is safely sealed in storage scrolls, Sakura leaves her room only to find the two retainers who will accompany her waiting by her door. She loathes calling them servants, because they have a contract and they're very well paid, thank you very much. No matter how keen she is on respecting clan tradition to fit in with the other clans, she's not about to start calling them what they aren't.

One of the twins gets her backpack and the second is carrying her travel geta. They each have their own bag, and Sakura knows a guard is also waiting for her at the gate of the Haruno Compound. She's an ANBU, posing as a jōnin the Haruno hired to protect their Clan Head. Only the twins aren't in the know but Sakura thinks it's for the best. They're a little young for planned torture, no matter what they think the war turned them into. Cold-blooded assassins isn't it, that's for sure.

 

“Shigeki, do you mind bringing my things to the gates? I'll join you shortly. Nageki, your sweetheart is waiting for you in the garden, I let her in to say goodbye.”

 

Nageki turns bright red and his brother snickers. It's really hard to keep secrets in a clan, when everyone lives in close quarters. The teenagers weren't exactly discreet either with their fumbling courtship and shy evenings spent together. Kino is the daughter of one of the families that joined the clan and her and Nageki had taken an instant liking to each other.

 

“Thank you, Sakura-sama.”

She smiles. “Sure, now go, both of you.”

 

They bow quickly before hurrying out of the main house. Sakura takes a deep breath, the now familiar scent of wood and incense always colouring her home with comfort and warmth. She walks around the inner garden until she goes past Ishino's room and into the outer parts of the house. Then it's only a matter of time before she's in the large street of the compound.

The Haruno shrine was built just next to her house. She takes her shoes off on the first step, then climbs until she reaches the entrance. The familiar movements she's so used to come naturally, clapping and bowing before she enters.

There are three large, flat stones supported by pieces of wood, like strange tables. On each one is engraved prayers and burning incense, flowers picked for the god it's dedicated to: Amaterasu, Tsukuyomi and Susanoo, the trinity she's been praying to since she was a child. Then there are the smaller shrines for her parents and her aunt, as direct family of the current Clan Head and tribute to the previous one. She's always swallowing back tears when she sees the flowers, food and incense burning when she comes to pray, and today is no different.

Sakura remembers being raised to go to the shrine every moon change. Her mother's hand in hers, tucked in their favourite matching kimono, carrying flowers and food offerings like she's now facing in the new shrine. Her father walked beside them, lit incense leaving a trace of spices and sandalwood behind them.

They'd go and pray for long minutes, Sakura naming all the people in her clan she could remember with her little mind, and asking the ancestors to protect them, then asking Amaterasu to shine for their picnic the next day or to show herself when she played with her friends. After a while, she'd always get bored of praying and no matter how she tried to hide it, her father would always notice.

Without moving from his kneeling in front of the shrine, he'd give Sakura a sweet to suck on and that would be her cue to pick up the worn brush laying on the stone and dip it in ink, before writing little blessings and kind wishes for her parents and herself, then tying it to the wood wall of the shrine.

Never did they read after her to correct it or to tell her that her prayers weren't appropriate. It was her relationship with the gods, the spirits and the ancestors, and children are just as accepted in the shrine as the adults. At least in Haruno tradition, which was something Sakura had always been grateful for because becoming a shinobi made every child much more interested in religion. Something about surviving the next mission.

Haruno would also go for Name Day, for weddings and funerals, and for Shichi-Go-San, one of Sakura's favourite childhood memories. She had gotten to pick the colour of her obi over her Haruno-red kimono. She hadn’t known it at the time, but it was a way to know which side of the kekkei-genkai the child had and what kind of person the yūrei, if present, was.

Sakura was left alone in a room with all the other children celebrating Shichi-Go-San, but they were not allowed to talk to each other. The ninja of the clan were hidden in the room to observe. The children were faced with stripes of cloth and asked to pick one. At first, they were all quiet, some of them bored already with the cloth they had picked huddled in their lap.

The other children, the ones struggling to pick, were the ones with the warui yūrei. Sakura remembers facing the colours, terrified that she was going to make the wrong choice and the clan would be disappointed. But then, the fullness on one side of her head... moved. Stirred.

She held her breath, feeling her hand move without having ordered it too. She watched, transfixed, as her fingers wrapped around a blue strip. Once her hand was holding the cloth, Sakura felt the pressure in her head lessen.

She frowned.

 

“Hey, I hate blue!” she complained, not realizing she was speaking out loud. She dropped the cloth and picked up the orange one.

 

The pressure in her head shivered, rose, took shape. Sakura didn't notice the room morphing into the garden of her house, where her father was growing aubergines at the time. She was seeing herself, butt naked in the grass, her legs crossed and scratching a muddy trace on her cheek.

 

“We're picking the blue,” not-Sakura said. All confusion merged into frustration and Sakura pouted.

“No, we're not! We're picking the orange.”

“Orange is ugly!”

“No, it's not!”

“Yes, it is!”

 

Sakura huffed in annoyance, stomping her feet.

 

“Sakura? Sakura, darling?”

 

Sakura turned around, taking her eyes off of herself. Suddenly, she was back in the room, three other children besides her, and all their parents were kneeling next to them, just like Sakura's. In her small hands, the orange cloth had replaced the blue one. She smiled wide, proud of her win.

 

“Sweetheart, did you meet someone new?” her mother asked. Her red hair was pooling around her tentatively-ageing face, and Sakura felt herself reaching for it without controlling her hand.

 

“We like your hair,” she whispered.

 

Her father smiled softly.

 

“Who did you meet?”

“She's mean. She likes blue!” Her offense made her parents exchange a fond look.

 

“What's her name?”

“Uh. I don't know. I didn't ask. Is that rude? She was rude!”

“It's okay, darling. You'll meet her again. Tell us when you do, okay? In the meanwhile, let's tie your obi and go pray. Then we can celebrate.”

 

Sakura had grinned and not-Sakura had jumped up, shifting on the balls of her feet. She cherished her first meeting with Naka. She loves going to the shrine, because it reminds her of the temple of her childhood. And seeing all the flowers and food left by her kinsmen to honour the gods and the ancestors protecting them makes her feel warm inside.

 

 

Her team is waiting at the gates to see her off. Sasuke and Nori are chatting amicably and Naruto, Sai and Haku are engaged in a strange game of moving hands Sakura would bet they made up on the spot. Neither of her teammates is a good influence on the poor man, dear spirits. The two boys who will be escorting her are watching everything with something between awe and bafflement on their young faces.  Her ANBU guard, on the other hand, looks perpetually bored.

Sakura has a good feeling about this all. She's been trained in undercover work  for kunoichi , just like all the other girls before Tsunade kneed the system in the groin and made it mandatory for everyone. Yay for gender equality, now they're all getting traumatized by the courses on deep undercover work and non-consensual sex in missions.  At least it means ‘kunoichi’ is now used for a role instead of a whole gender category. What a world they live in.   
  
“How long is this going to be, again?” Naruto asks after the boys hand her backpack to her.

“A week, maybe more, but no less. I'll keep you updated, it would be strange for the Clan Head not to get in touch with her clan while negotiating trade routes. Especially since my Lady is staying.” Nori nods, more used to the title now.

“The usual encryption?” Sasuke says.

Sakura grins. “Yeah, but I'll throw in some improvised stuff, make you work for it. Only unimportant things, of course.”

“Of course.” Sasuke nods, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Well, I'm off then!”  
  
Naruto waves at her, a huge grin on his face. Sakura gladly smiles back, waving a little as she walks backward, still looking at all of them. She knows she's not going to be away for long, but she's stayed put for months now, trying to rebuild her clan and only taking missions inside the village.

It's more or less the first time she'll be out since the end of the war. It'll also be the first time she goes anywhere without at least a member of her team by her side. She can't quit wrap her head around that yet. And then there's Nori and Haku.

Sakura has lived with them for almost a year, caring when they're sick, having the right to give input on how Ishino is raised when it comes to Haruno values. She's used to living with them, to accommodating for Haku's cheerful nature in the morning and Nori's late nights spent reading books or weeding the garden even when it doesn't need to be.

It's... it feels like she truly has a clan again. Like all she’s worked for since the war ended hasn't been for nothing after all. Her efforts are finally paying off and she's leaving it all behind without truly getting to enjoy the feeling of being whole again.

But it's what she’s fought for since she told her parents she'd be a shinobi, no matter what, and it's the reason she stayed alive during the war when all of her clan had died. She's a shinobi, as true as the colour of her eyes and the snow in winter, and it would be betraying both the village and herself to refuse a mission she knows she's going to ace when all that's demanding her attention at home are tax forms that Nori is perfectly capable of handling on her own.

She says goodbye to Sai and Sasuke as well, quietly happy to see the latter smile, the shadows of the bitter man he used to be wiped out by this calmer, kinder version of him. With a last wave for Nori and Haku, and a quick kiss on Ishino's forehead, she turns around and leaves the Haruno Compound behind.

 

 

Once their papers are checked at the gates, the four of them follow the main road leading out of Konoha. Sakura feels weird, walking on the dust marked by many footsteps and wheels tracks from carriages. In all her years doing missions outside of the village, she's not sure she’s ever walked this road past the first few hundreds of metres. Shinobi don't walk, they run, and they don't see a speck of ground until they've exhausted all of the Land of Fire's forests.

However, not only is she accompanied by two young civilians who’ve only ever used a woodcutter axe as a weapon  and an ANBU pretending to have just about a third of her actual skill set , but she is Clan Head and the way she gets to her destination is going to reflect heavily on how she's perceived once she arrives in Suna. Sakura is in the bingo book: she punched a goddess in the face and gained the name Kyojin, Titan, as a reward. No one is going to forget any time soon that she's a shinobi, and a damn good one.

It's not about that. It's about who she is  _ now _ , who she is going to Suna as. People want to see Haruno Sakura, Clan Head of the Haruno Clan, last known wielder of the yūrei jutsu. That Sakura is intertwined with Kyojin Sakura, but they're not completely the same person and it's that dichotomy people are eager to see. Sakura will show it to them, even if it means taking twice as long to get to Suna and dusty feet.

They stop for the night in a clearing that doesn't make her shinobi blood boil as much as other places they've passed. If she stands guard for a few hours and places wards and traps around them, they should be fine. She can’t ask the ANBU, Y ū ki, for help because she’s supposed to only be a guard, not a shinobi.

It's also possible that rogues wouldn't be fool enough to attack her. Sakura’s seen the worst of humanity, though, and she's not that willing to put her faith in people's common sense.

Shigeki and Nageki are quick to plant the tent, used to it after the months post-war when the village wasn't finished yet. Sakura unrolls wire around the trees surrounding the clearing before drawing a few smoke and fire seals on the ground. It should warn them well enough if anyone gets too close.

 

“Shigeki-kun, throw me that kunai, would you?” she yells from the spot where she’s gotten herself into a bit of trouble. She can't move without disturbing the complicated trap she's put together and she just dropped her own kunai too far out of her reach.

 

Shigeki clumsily throws the weapon, knowing better than to come too close to what she's doing. Sakura can't move her hands, but she angles her body just right and when the kunai hits her shoulder, the chakra she lets slip through her skin makes it stick. Carefully, she turns around and grabs it between her teeth, before using it to cut the last of the string.

When she's all done, Sakura comes to sit down next to the fire Nageki has built up, and she opens her bag to browse through the food they brought with them. She wrinkles her nose at the lack of fresh food, lamenting over the fact that if it had been her team with her, they would simply have gone to hunt for a bird or a rabbit and the whole thing would have been dealt with. She shares a commiserating look with Y ū ki, knowing the woman is probably as dejected by the rations as she is. At least the boys think it’s fun to ‘play shinobi’.

She looks up at the brothers, bickering lightly over who gets to sleep on which side of the tent all four of them will share. Maybe...

 

“Hey, boys, want me to teach you something useful?”

 

They quiet instantly, paying attention without missing a beat. It warms her heart and she gives them a blinding smile. Both of them blush Haruno red before nodding eagerly.

 

“I never asked, what kind of job do you want to do later, when you're through with school?”

The brothers give her a weird look. “We're not going to school, Sakura-sama,” Nageki says.

“...What do you mean you're not going to school,” she says flatly, feeling cold all over.

“Well, we're orphans, right? Or, I mean, not anymore, but we were at the end of the war, and orphans aren't allowed to school if there's no more room in their grade.”

 

She swallows multiple times, not sure if she's furious or heartbroken. Y ū ki makes a weird face to the side, so Sakura turns to look at her.

 

“After the Nine Tails attacked, I lost my parents. They were civilians and I was going to the school in my district. I had to join the Academy instead, because I had no money to support me or my two younger sisters. I never wanted to be a shinobi, but it was the only job that would pay me as soon as I got out.”

 

Sakura shivers at how defeated she sounds. The Academy has no problem taking on orphans, but she now knows it's more a testament to their need of canon folder than a real social policy. She admits she never thought about civilian schools and how they work, but to hear that just-

 

“Well that won't do. When we get home, you're going to school.”

 

Shigeki looks quietly hopeful, his face graced with a gentle expression and shy eyes that don't quite look at her. But Nageki makes a face, not meeting her eyes either. She has a feeling it's not for the same reason.

 

“You don't want to go to school, Nageki-kun?”

“It's not- it's not that I don't want to go, Sakura-sama. I'm stupid. I don't like going to school.” He gathers his knees against his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “Never been good, never felt like I belonged.”

“Otōto, don't say that. You're not stupid.”

“Shut up, you know I am. I never figured out how to read kanji and you were already doing maths so hard I spaced out when you talked about it.” Then he mumbles something, too low for Sakura to hear, but Shigeki gasps and elbows him, telling him quietly to stop saying dumb things.

“What did you say, Nageki?”

“Said I'd have been better off at the Academy. Couldn't even protect the family and now they're dead.”

“It's too dangerous! You never could have been a shinobi,” Shigeki says, tone hard but voice shaking.

 

Sakura looks at them, these children who lost everything in the war, just like her. She thinks about Naruto, who still struggles with kanji when he writes his mission reports, because he never had someone invested enough to teach him properly and make him like school. She thinks about Itachi, the Itachi Sasuke talks about, who never wanted to be a shinobi and was a pacifist until his mind broke and he just went insane.

She sees everything they are, everything they could be, and she's furious and heartbroken but, above all, she knows she can do something about it.

 

“Well, how about this? Shigeki, I send you to school with a recommendation letter when we get back. Nageki, I take you as my student and teach you the basics of being a shinobi and, yes, that includes learning how to write and read. I’ll give you a three-month period and after that if you still wish to become a shinobi, I’ll see with the Hokage and my workload if I can take you on an apprenticeship full time. And at the same time, I'll work with Lady Haruno to create a small school inside the Compound for Haruno children who don't wish to join either of the government's school systems. How does that sound?”

 

The matching grins on the twins' faces are answer enough, so she goes back to what she wanted to teach them at the start of their conversation. She gives them a kunai each, explains the poison she created and how to cover the sharp edges of the weapon with it without coming in contact with the product. Y ū ki interjects once in a while, with soft words and sharp jokes, practical advice summarized in a sentence or less that is as useful as it is ruthless.

Her forehead itches, where she's working on her third seal. It's not even visible yet, but the chakra stored is reaching about half of her own reserve, and soon she'll have three seals on top of each other, proof of the hard work she's been putting into her shinobi life for the past ten years.

She gives them a grin that would fool anyone into thinking they're Haruno as much for their name as for their blood.

 

“Now, boys, let's hunt dinner.”


	7. Questioning loyalties

They get to Suna an impressive four days after leaving Konoha, considering that they never took to the trees and they had to stop early into the evening every day because the boys were getting tired. Knowing that, one day later than an average chūnin would do is very good, and Sakura makes sure to tell Shigeki and Nageki that she's proud of them.

Even Yūki doesn’t look annoyed at all, despite what Sakura feared. She’s a quick-witted, smart and kind woman. Sakura will make sure to recommend her to the ANBU Commander when she gets back. Her word weighs a lot and if it can give Yūki a promotion or a better paycheck, she’s not about to stop herself.

They pass the first outpost, the one closest to the Hidden Village, and the shapes of the towers of Suna welcome them. Barely one hour later, the three Haruno and their guard are approaching the gates, getting their papers ready. Sakura is frowning, looking for her ID, when she feels a hand tugging at her junbei sleeve.

 

“Sakura-sama, I think something is wrong.”

 

She looks up, her eyebrows rising at Shigeki's worried voice. Then it becomes obvious why the boy sounds so apprehensive.

At the gates, no guards are waiting for them, like they would in any Hidden Village. Instead, there are a few ANBU guards, both of the Kazekage's advisors and Gaara in the middle of the group. Sakura tenses, agreeing internally with Shigeki. Close friend of Gaara she might be, but it isn't normal for a Kage to wait at the gate for a foreign leader like her. His blank expression as they get closer only serves to make her more conscious of everything that might possibly have gone wrong in the mission parameters.

 

“Kazekage-sama, thank you for meeting with us,” she says with a shallow bow, the boys and Yūki following with a deeper gesture.

“It's good to see you, Sakura-san. I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, however. We received a hawk from Konoha this morning.”

 

Gaara hands her a scroll; whoever sent it didn't bother with sealing it with a key to her chakra signature, and that speaks of incredible haste. She holds her breath, taking the message and unrolling it quickly.

The scant words raise an instant wave of nausea and she has to bend forward, breathing deep and slow to make it stop. Her pale face is sweating, shock and panic mixing together in a sickening feeling.

 

“We- we need to go back. Now.”

Gaara sighs. “I understand your concern, believe me. But your role in what is to come is essential, as it will weight on the fate of Suna. It would be my honour to lend you my hawk so you may reply with your orders on the situation.”

 

Sakura freezes, feeling like someone just poured a bucket of water over her head.

 

“But... Gaara, I _have_ to go back.”

“Sakura.” His hard tone, coupled with the drop of the honorific, makes her straighten without being able to stop herself. “You have a mission.”

 

She takes a deep breath, doing her best to crush the panic under what she knows is years of hard training and shinobi values hammered into her mind with the force of habit.

 

“I'll take that hawk, then,” she says faintly, feeling like she's about to pass out. Her hands are fisted by her side, carving bloody half-moons into her palms.

“Absolutely,” Gaara replies, gentle again. “Kankuro will show you to your quarters in the mansion, Temari and I need to go back to our duties. Welcome to Suna, Sakura-san. I hope that you will enjoy your stay despite the circumstances.”

 

Sakura nods dumbly, not daring to reply because she can feel the scream trying to break through the barrier of her closed lips. She follows Kankuro, who stays thankfully quiet, until they reach the Kazekage mansion. The boys aren't giving her the reprieve Kankuro is kind enough to respect, asking quick questions under their breath, but Sakura doesn't answer.

Once they're settled inside, Kankuro disappearing without a word, she crumbles, falling into a sitting position. It feels like she’s dying. She's been on the brink of dying before, she knows what it feels like, and this is exactly the same thing. Except that there is nothing to be done to help her. She has a mission to complete, and no shinobi abandons the mission.

 

“Sakura-sama, please talk to us,” Shigeki insists one more time, sitting next to her.

 

Feeling already dead inside, Sakura hands him the scroll. Shigeki doesn't wait a second to open it, reading it outloud until he understands what it's about.

 

“ _-outside of the village, on a picnic. We don't know how it happened. Sakura, I'm so sorry. They took Haku, Nori and Ishi_ — what the fuck?!”

 

Shigeki looks up, furious. He grits his teeth, visibly trying to reign himself in.

 

“Sakura-sama! They kidnapped your family!”

“I know, Shigeki,” she says, suddenly exhausted.

“Why aren't we already running back?” Nageki says, his fist hitting the table. “We can't abandon them!”

“I can't abandon the mission either,” Sakura whispers, pained. “It's the most important rule of a shinobi. You can never abandon the mission.”

 

Yūki looks deadly white, but she nods repeatedly like she’s trying to convince herself of what they need to do. With what happened to her own family, it’s more than understandable, but Sakura doesn’t have the emotional strength to worry about anything but the crushing weight of her responsibilities and what they might cost her this time.

Nageki jumps to his feet, pacing the room they're in. Sakura shrinks into herself. She's been feeling their same rage since Gaara showed her the scroll, but he was right. She can't leave the mission behind, not when so much is at stake. Her team, waiting somewhere in Suna, is unbranded, which means that if they get caught, no one will come to save them. It would mean blowing their cover and admitting that the villages have something to do with what is about to happen.

Since it's going to involve interrogation and possible torture to get the information they need, it's absolutely unthinkable that Konoha or Suna put their name all over the mission. Sakura is here as decoy, sure, but if anyone on the team gets hurt, she has a spare blank ANBU uniform in her bag, safe in a sealed storage scroll. The mask is white, without any animal sign, and the clothes are dark grey and cut to look like any ANBU force in the Nations.

She can go heal them and stage an extraction for whoever might get caught. There's no way she can go back to Konoha, as much for her teammates as for Gaara, as much for the shinobi force she's a part of as for the Alliance between Konoha and Suna.

She tries to explain all of that to the boys, but she can see the anger on their face, hear how unfair they think this is. Sakura has no problem seeing what they're thinking right now. The disappointment that comes with realizing you can't trust your higher ups. The fear for the family they've made for themselves among the Haruno, and the bitter taste that comes with knowing they were just tools.

Sakura feels sick just from the idea that they might be viewing the situation like this. She's done her best to make them all feel like they belong amongst the Haruno, and the boys are already looking at her with wary faces, like she might stab them in the back at any time.

 

“They trust you, Sakura-sama. Whoever has them, wherever they are, they must be so sure you're going to come and save them.”

Nageki's voice is condemning. “It's probably the only thing keeping them from being terrified. 'She's coming for us. She'll save us.'” He stops pacing, looking her straight in the eyes. “ _'Kyojin is going to save us._ '”

 

Breath stolen, Sakura looks down in shame. She hides her face in her hands, swallowing a sob that she refuses to let out.

She worked so hard for her clan. She learned taxes, tradition, pedagogy. She hired teachers to explain to her how to teach in turn. She spent hours every day talking with her new people, trying to make them hers, to make them think of her as theirs. She spent every drop of energy and love on them, until they were all convinced, deep in their bones, that they belonged to the Haruno Clan. That they could claim the name with pride.

She married an incredible woman and, by proxy, her partner. She adopted a little boy with a beautiful smile who shares her kekkei-genkai. She's been teaching him how to reach for his hidden brother, how to make him belong as well.

Sakura faces Shigeki and Nageki, twins she remembers seeing grinning, twins she just taught how to hunt like a shinobi, how to survive in the wild when all they have is a blade.

 

“Okay,” she breathes. “Okay, alright.”

 

She quickly gets to her feet, tying back all the pieces of her junbei, wrapping a heavy scarf around her head to protect her from the sand and the heat surrounding Suna. Shigeki and Nageki are smart kids, with quick minds. They immediately start packing again. They leave the few items unsealed next to the scrolls for her to store back inside. When that's done and everyone is ready, she heads out of the Kazekage mansion.

 

“We need to be quick, kids. We can't get caught by the soldiers before we're out of Land of Wind territory.” She breathes, long and slow. “Once we're in the Land of Fire, I'll give you money and leave you all of my things. You check yourselves into an inn, a tavern, whatever you find first. Don't tell anyone you're Haruno, I don't know if they're after all of the clan or just my family, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Find somewhere safe to stay for a while. I'll send you a message when I'm sure it's okay for you to come back.”

“Haruno-sama.”

Sakura turns to look at Yūki. “I know what you’re about to say. I don’t want to fight you. I like you. There’s no reason-”

“Go save your family, Haruno-sama. I’ll bullshit something for the Kazekage, buy you a couple of hours.”

 

Sakura squeezes Yūki’s arm, giving her a grateful look. Suddenly, she misses Naka fiercely. She's still sleeping, exhausted from the time she spent out, and Sakura is desperate for the support of the one person who knows her better than herself. She can't think about Nori and Haku, gone, and Ishino, probably terrified. She can't think of the village that failed to protect them, of the teammates who let her family go out without protection.

She's so angry it hurts, and she can't afford to be angry. Not when she needs to make it look like anything except that they're running away from the mission. And that's something else she can't let herself think about. She's betraying everything she swore to uphold, every rule she learned and the reasons why they exist in the first place.

She's betraying herself, because if she doesn't, then she's betraying herself as well. Her two selves, Haruno Sakura and Kyojin Sakura, at odds for the first time, and Naka is nowhere to help her reconcile the two. _What a mess_ , she thinks, shivering in anticipation at what they're about to do.

After one last look to her ANBU guard, she turns back to the boys and gestures for them to follow. They start walking, pace quick but not hurried, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. They get some weird looks, but no one looks like a guard about to warn the Kazekage that his guests are acting strange.

In an hour, they're out of range of the last outpost, and that's when they start running. She has all of the bags on her back, knowing they weight nothing for her and would only slow the boys down. With just the clothes on their back and the stamina of growing teenagers, they run at a good pace and only stop for Sakura to soothe their muscles and lungs with chakra so they can start running again.

It doesn't take long before they come across the first dirt road, and that's when she makes them stop. After handing them the backpacks back, she unties the pouch from her leg and gives it to Nageki.

 

"This is a standard weapon pouch. Six kunai, two dozens shuriken, ten senbon and a wire. Two of the senbon are covered in a paralysis poisons, but that's specific to mine. It's the ones made of wood instead of steel. Only touch them by the middle, but they're very useful if someone is after you."

 

She pats the inner pockets of her junbei, before remembering that she put it in her boot.

 

“There, there's enough ryō in that purse to get you a room for about a month. If you need to, pay people to keep them quiet. I don't want to risk anyone knowing who you are. On that note, hide your tokens.”

 

The boys scramble to untie the leather cord from around their neck, with a simple ring of silver hanging from it. It's something she had custom-made for her clan. It used to be that Haruno would get a tattoo of a circle once they proved to the clan that they were true members.

It was a whole ceremony, where you had to come with a kimono you made yourself, from weaving the fabric to dying it and embroidering patterns on it. Then you had to successfully master a seal of your choice from the well of knowledge in fūinjutsu the original Uzumaki-turned-Haruno brought from Uzushio of old, and use it on your kimono.

Sakura remembers her own ceremony. They changed it a bit for shinobi, because most didn't have the time to both master the Haruno craft and become a fine ninja. So instead, you could buy your kimono from one of the masters of the clan, proving that you could provide for the clan with coin, then learn five seals and demonstrate them to the Clan Head.

Once the ceremony was over, you were a Haruno. That had an actual meaning, because before the ceremony, you were someone from the Haruno Clan. She had been Sakura of Clan Haruno, but not Haruno Sakura. Only when she proved herself competent, shortly after turning sixteen, did she become Haruno Sakura of Clan Haruno. On that day, she got the circle tattoo on her lower stomach, around the scar left by Sasori's sword.

She had intended to keep the tradition going under her leadership, but she quickly realized it would be difficult. There used to be a tattoo artist amongst her clansmen, but of course she died with the others, and after some research, Sakura was surprised and saddened to learn that all three tattoo artists who used to work in Konoha had all died during the war as well.

It had been a strange moment. For the first time in months, she had finally accepted that she truly was Clan Head, and not just acting like it. Because, faced with the reality that there was no way of continuing with the tradition, she had to come to term with her power and the inevitable fact that she would change her clan's ways to accommodate this new world they lived in.

If, one day, a tattoo parlour was to open again, she would see if they'd be amenable to teach anyone in the clan and allow them to go back to the previous way, which she had a fondness for. But in the meantime, she had settled on commissioning the blacksmith to forge a circle of silver for each new member of the clan.

Sakura had decided that there would be no proving anything before the new members all had time to settle in and pick one craft of the Haruno to learn. And she didn't want to let them go on without a name either. So she gave all of them the last name and the token, and would only start the ceremonies again for the next generation.

Word had gotten around, though, because she had to order silver from the samurai clans in the Land of Iron, and that was a strange order soon after the end of a global war. People had asked around for an explanation, which they got easily because she had no reason to keep it a secret, and word got out that the Haruno Clan, led by Kyojin Sakura, saviour of the Five Nations, wore a necklace with their symbol on it.

Shigeki and Nageki let Sakura seal their tokens inside a scroll, an uncomfortable look on their face. She could understand why. It's a bit like she's stealing who they are and sealing it away. Of course that would make them apprehensive. So she steps closer, once she's done, and she hugs both of them at the same time, making sure to squeeze and to keep them close for several seconds before letting go.

 

“I will send you a hawk as soon as I'm certain it's safe for you to come back. If you need anything, if you're in danger, send one to the Hokage. She won't ignore you. If someone is watching what you're writing, say something about the weather then only talk about meaningless things. I'll send someone if I can't come myself.”

“Stay safe, Sakura-sama,” Shigeki whispers.

“I will. You know I will, I have a responsibility to all of you now, and I'm not leaving anyone behind.”

“Go save them, Kyojin,” Nageki says, eyes burning. “We'll wait for you.”

 

She nods once, her hands on their shoulders, before turning away. With only her family in mind, she runs.


End file.
